Me, Me, Me. Oh, and You

[miari]

Title: Me, Me, Me. Oh, and You
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Shihan
Genre: Romance
Summary: Hangeng has a dilemma, and it's name is Siwon. Siwon, Siwon, Siwon. Oh, and Heechul.

Hangeng has this dilemma.

He wishes that it was a bad dream. However, unfortunately for him, Siwon clinging to Heechul in secluded areas is not a dream. Their not so subtle, Very Long Goodbye Hug before M promotions is not a dream. Their lasting until midnight "Siwon, do you really need to call him from the bathroom," phone calls are not a dream. And Siwon muttering Heechul's name in his sleep is not a dream. Although, it was nice to think otherwise.

However, when Hangeng catches Siwon staring at his computer filled with images of the band and Heechul, and the band and Heechul, Heechul, Heechul, the leader recognizes it as his loss and falls into utter despair.

Ryeowook notices almost immediately (in predictable, Ryeowook fashion,) and he corners Hangeng during a therapeutic session of cooking.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're such a liar. You haven't been talking to Siwon except to tell him to get off the phone or to not stay long at the gym.”

Hangeng continues to stir his rice, listening to the calming sizzle that it was beginning to make. Arms wound around him and he feels Ryeowook's face press into his back.

"Just talk to him."

"Fine."

A very platonic kiss is pressed onto his cheek. Hangeng wisely decides to not tell anyone; Yesung tends to be possessive, and for some reason, word travels back to Korea faster than one would expect.

"Watch my rice."

Ryeowook grins.

Hangeng mutters curses as he searches the dorm for Siwon. He gets an eyeful of Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi body parts for his trouble. He stumbles around, muttering apologies as the two shoot him very evil glares, not breaking their kiss or their moan or their--well. Hangeng shuts his eyes and shuts the door, cursing Ryeowook and Siwon and Kim fucking Heechul.

Calm, he intones to himself, You’re Hangeng. You can totally do this.

“I can’t do this, Heechul.”

Only Hangeng’s grace as a dancer saves him from an awkward falter in the hallway.

“I’m going crazy. I never thought I’d say this, but you honestly kept me sane.”

Hangeng hears Heechul’s loud explosion of sound and leader imagines Siwon’s painful wince. He also imagines Ryeowook’s disapproving glare all the way from the kitchen, and so he takes a few more steps and clears his throat.

Siwon is shirtless and on his bed, phone held up to his ear, legs splayed out carelessly and Hangeng’s brain fog comes back in a rush.

“Oh. Hey.” Siwon seems totally out of it and slightly displeased; Hangeng feels guilty. “I’ll call you back,” Siwon says softly into the phone, “Yeah. Love you too--shut up.”

Siwon snaps his phone closed and Hangeng thinks that their shared smiles are half hearted; he chickens out.

“Um, dinner’s almost done.”

“Oh. Great.”

“Yeah,” Hangeng says, and then walks out the door, pretending that Siwon’s strange expression was one of longing.

Ryeowook glares all through dinner and Hangeng thinks that death is imminent.

“You didn’t say anything, did you?” Ryeowook hisses as he reaches across Hangeng to clear the leftovers.

“I-I did!”

“You didn’t. If you don’t say something to him, I’m telling Yesung that you tried to molest me.”

“Ryeowook,” Hangeng pleads, knowing now that death is certain, “Ryeowook, that’s mean.”

“What you’re doing to Siwon is mean,” Ryeowook hisses back, “Talk to him tonight or else!”

“Ryeowook!” Hangeng whines, but the singer is already walking away. The leader thinks that maybe it is time for Ryeowook to pass his cute and innocent concept onto someone else. Or just drop it completely.

Hangeng tries to put it off. He watches Henry practice violin in the living room (his favorite spot to practice after Hangeng had put a cap on how many hours he could spend at the studio), and watches Donghae watch Henry. He makes a point to avoid Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, and since he is also avoiding Ryeowook, Hangeng’s distractions and excuses come to a very quick end.

Dragging his feet and thinking that he must look like something akin to a child sent to his father’s study for discipline, Hangeng makes his way towards Siwon’s bedroom. He tries not to notice Siwon’s smile, his bared chest, his adorable dimples that, in Hangeng’s opinion, never get enough attention or love because everyone cooes over Leeteuk’s.

You’re babbling to yourself, Ryeowook’s voice says in Hangeng’s mind, and you shouldn’t be. Say hello.

“Um, hi.” Hangeng starts.

“Hey.”

Hangeng curses. “Ryeowook says I have to talk to you.”

Siwon blinks.

“So. Um. How’s life?”

“Good,” Siwon says carefully, eyebrows starting to shift uncertainly.

“Great. How’s...Heechul?”

“What?”

Hangeng sighs, “Look, I’m trying here. I trying to think of something to say to you so that we can have a conversation so that Yesung doesn’t kill me. Okay? Is that alright with you? Or are you fine with me dying, because if you are, then I’ll just leave.”

Babbling, says Ryeowook’s voice, Stop it.

“What?” Siwon asks again and Hangeng wants to scream. “Why would Yesung kill you?”

“I--can we just talk please?”

“Aren’t we?”

Hangeng sucks at the insides of his cheeks before letting out sigh.

“Don’t we?” Siwon asks again, looking worried, and Hangeng plops down on the floor in defeat. Life hates him. “Are you stressed, gege?” Siwon asks in Mandarin and Hangeng thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard.

“No,” Hangeng whispers, “I’m just--“

Really, Hangeng doesn’t know what he is. He has a dilemma, and the dilemma is sitting in front of him, and he desperately wishes that it would just go away.

Siwon kneels down and Hangeng tries not to notice his perfect muscles. Or his perfect face. Or his perfect everything. Because it is depressing as hell.

“I’m not good with this kind of thing. You should call Heechul.”

“Heechul, Heechul, Heechul,” Hangeng gripes, and falls back against the carpet. “Do you ever do or think or breathe anything that isn’t in some way related to Heechul?”

“Of course I do,” Siwon’s voices says from somewhere above him, “I think about you all the time.”

Hangeng’s heart stops for a few seconds before he recovers and hopes that the pause wasn’t long enough to be awkward. “I’m your leader; you damn well better think about me.”

Siwon leans over him and Hangeng finds that he can’t breathe.

“All the time,” Siwon reiterates.

“Good,” Hangeng manages, “You shouldn’t spend so much time thinking about Heechul, or talking to him. It gets to his head.”

“I know,” Siwon grins, and then laughs. He throws himself down next to Hangeng, and the leader fears that he is going to have a coronary as Siwon’s arms slide around his middle.

Now say something nice, Ryeowook’s voice dictates.

“Are you angry?” Siwon asks before Hangeng can pull out a sentence about the weather, “Because I can punch people, if you really want me to; anything for you.”

“Thanks,” Hangeng replies, thinking that Siwon wouldn’t really want to punch Heechul. Or himself.

“Who is it?” Siwon asks.

Reflecting back on the moment, Hangeng was convinced that Ryeowook possessed his body for a moment, long enough to utter, “You,” before cackling evilly and leaving Hangeng to clean the mess.

“Me?”

Siwon heaves himself up onto an elbow and looks heartbroken.

“I--that’s not--Heechul. It’s Heechul.”

“Me?” Siwon asks again, and he grips Hangeng hard.

“You always talk to Heechul,” Hangeng whispers.

“So do you,” Siwon replies.

“You always--what?”

Hangeng tries to sit up, but Siwon holds him down, “No, tell me what it is.”

“I--you--Heechul,” Hangeng tries, terribly distracted by the just-showered scent clinging to the body hovering over him.

“We what? What is it? Have you decided that you hate Heechul?”

“You smell nice.”

“Are you drunk?” Siwon leans forward a little and sniffs, “Hangeng, you’re freaking me out a little, here. You aren’t making sense.”

“I don’t like it when you talk to Heechul all the time and stare at him and hug him and you barely talk to me and hardly ever look at me and only touch me on television and I can’t take it anymore because, fuck, Siwon, I like you and I want you to kiss me and you really, really smell good, did you know that?”

Siwon’s eyebrows broke their own height record.

“That is so sexy,” Hangeng mutters, and very decidedly thinks, hottest eyebrows ever before propping himself up and kissing Siwon like his life was going to end. Which it would, once Heechul found out.

It takes him a second to realize that Siwon is kissing him back.

He pulls away, “You’re kissing me.”

“Well I was.”

“Your hand is on my ass.”

“You have a spectacular ass.”

Say something.

Go away, Hangeng tells Ryeowook’s voice.

“The kiss was nice,” Siwon pulls Hangeng upright, “You should do it again.”

“Heechul,” Hangeng mutters.

“Heechul is in Korea.”

“I’m not coming in between the two of you.”

Siwon stares at him for a minute, “Hangeng,” he begins, and the leader knows that Siwon is speaking Mandarin again by the way he deliberately tries to form the tones, “Hangeng, I don’t like Heechul.”

Long phone calls and hugs and dreams flash in front of Hangeng’s eyes and he knows that Siwon is lying.

“I like you,” Siwon says, and Hangeng tries to concentrate past Siwon’s hand sliding down his back.

“You like Heechul.”

“I like you,” Siwon responds fervently.

Hangeng’s heart is racing and thinks that maybe, just maybe, Siwon is telling him the truth. They did kiss. And Siwon groped. That was a good sign, right?

“You always hug him.”

“So do you,” Siwon points out, and Hangeng has to admit that out of all Super Junior, he does hug Heechul the most.

“You stay up late talking to him.”

“About you,” Siwon whispers, pressing a kiss to Hangeng’s neck.

“You--you’re always looking at pictures of him.”

“He takes the most with you,” Siwon responds, “And if I may say so, you are much more handsome.”

Hangeng gulps as Siwon’s nose and lips trace his jaw line, “You whisper his name in your sleep.”

Siwon pulls away. His eyebrows are back up in his bangs. “I do?”

They stare at each other for awhile before Hangeng realizes that Siwon asked him a question.

“Yes.”

“But--I dream about you,” Siwon whispers.

Hangeng proceeds to die a little inside at the greasiness of it all.

“How about you just kiss me again?” Siwon offers.

Hangeng smiles and they laugh until their lips meet.

Ryeowook grins smugly from the kitchen.

~~~


Yes, I realize that this is utterly cliche and dripping with grease and wtfits, but it was fun to write. I needed something silly.

And Shihan makes me smile, even if I like Hanchul better. And can I even say Shihan if I say Siwon and not Shiwon?