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The Legend of Terran General Cho Kyuhyun (and His Encounter with the Protoss Hangeng the Horrible)
Title: The Legend of Terran General Cho Kyuhyun (and His Encounter with the Protoss Hangeng the Horrible)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Qmi, Henhae
Genre: band!fic, humor, crack
Summary: Hangeng sets up group bonding time and Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi use it as an excuse to uncover the suspicious behavior of one Henry Lau.
A/N I have no idea if you can name your opponents in StarCraft. (Besides which if anyone could figure out out how to do it, impossibilities aside, it would be Kyuhyun, yes?) You can blame this entire thing on Mocha Kahlua, especially the ending.
It starts when Hangeng decides that they all need bonding time. He has Ryeowook make a chart, writing their names in all sorts of boxes and angles that even Kyuhyun has trouble following. His eyes start to cross when he stares for too long.
“What does it mean?” Donghae asks, squinting like he needs glasses.
“It means,” Hangeng begins, and then coughs to get the attention of Zhou Mi who is pulling a down feather from Kyuhyun’s hair, “It means that you have to spend time with each other. Not in front of the computer. Not in front of the television. Not on television. Not in a theater.”
“Why?” Henry asks, and Kyuhyun can't help but notice the carefully guarded glance that is sent Donghae's way.
“Because I said so,” Hangeng replies, and Kyuhyun hits his head on the doorframe loudly.
Lamest excuse ever.
Zhou Mi pats his back. “It won’t be bad, Kui Xian. It’s not like we hate each other.”
Ryeowook cheerfully fills in Saturday night’s square with “Ryeowook teaches Kyuhyun how to cook," and Kyuhyun moans quietly so that Hangeng can’t hear. A certain StarCraft semi-final round that he won’t be able to attend pops into his mind and he temporarily forgets all the awkward feet shuffling and nervous lip biting in the favor of abject misery.
“And if any of you,” Hangeng glares, “Do not take this seriously, or decide to fill in the squares with bogus, silly, and/or promiscuous things, you will find yourself having to do your bonding time twice. And,” he adds, “I will call Leeteuk and have him yell at you.”
The last bit, Kyuhyun thinks, is a viable threat, and so he agrees.
*
The cooking lessons are as horrible as Kyuhyun thought they would be. He manages to burn several pots and singe the apron he is wearing (one of Ryeowook's favorites.) He is promptly banned from the kitchen forever.
"Not even a cup of tea," Ryeowook hisses at him, "Do you hear me, Cho Kyuhyun? Stay away!”
The humiliation continues, when later that night, Kyuhyun receives a very angry phone call from Yesung full of yelling and cursing and "stay away from him, and the kitchen, or I will gut you."
Hangeng only smiles happily when Kyuhyun reports that his time with Ryeowook is done. Completely and utterly.
"Glad it went so well," the leaders says cheerily, before going back to his phone conversation with Heechul.
"He didn't even listen to me," Kyuhyun complains later that night to Zhou Mi, "Why does Heechul get all his attention; I feel so neglected.”
Zhou Mi just pets him comfortingly and tells him that at least he will never surpass Donghae in terms of failures in the kitchen.
*
Kyuhyun blocks out everyone and everything as he suffers from a case of denial. It ends when he receives a smug glare from Ryeowook as Henry unveils a successfully baked cake; Kyuhyun quietly declares war.
Zhou Mi nudges Kyuhyun underneath the table, and he looks up in time to see Henry blushing a deep red as Donghae praises the violinist profusely. "You can do everything!"
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi share matching, devious, grins and later that night, they corner Henry.
"So," Kyuhyun drawls, "I didn't know you could blush like that."
"Hyung," Henry mutters, and then when Kyuhyun doesn't change his expression, pleads to Zhou Mi, "Gege!"
"He's on my side," Kyuhyun interjects before Zhou Mi can assert his own position, "Now tell us everything or I will post about it on my cyworld."
Heechul would be proud, Kyuhyun thinks.
"Hyung," Henry pleads, "Hyung, it's really nothing."
Kyuhyun crosses his arms and impersonates Siwon raising an eyebrow.
"Gege!" Henry wails, and adopts a perfectly terrified face. Kyuhyun snorts derisively, and steps closer, mentally rolling up his sleeves.
Turns out, it wasn't the smartest idea, because Henry had been wailing to a passing Hangeng. The timing is impeccable and it makes Kyuhyun ill.
"Harassment," Hangeng says severely, coming to stand in front of Henry, "does not count as time together. You can spend a few more hours with Ryeowook now; I'l let him pick what the three of you will do."
"I guess he was listening," Kyuhyun complains to Zhou Mi, and makes the taller man share his bed so that he can drool on something other than his pillow. Except that he hopes that he doesn't, because putting anything on Zhou Mi's body that isn't perfect doesn't seem right.
*
Ryeowook takes them both out shopping. Zhou Mi is excited until he realizes that by shopping, Ryeowook means "I push a grocery cart and you run and fetch.” Kyuhyun contemplates smashing a bottle of wine over Ryeowook's head before a vision of Yesung's thunderous face flashes in his mind and he decides that maybe that wouldn’t be the best way to deal with his anger.
When he gets home, he begins a new StarCraft campaign and changes the game code so that all of his enemies are named some form or variation of Hangeng.
Justice is served, the gamer thinks, as he slaughters Hangeng the Horrible in one, fell swoop.
"I think you're taking this a little too seriously," Zhou Mi says after three quarters of the Terran campaign is completed in record time (with profuse amounts of swearing.)
"I always take gaming seriously."
"You know what I mean," Zhou Mi says, and Kyuhyun expects the words to be firm, but they're not.
A gentle Zhou Mi has never been something that is easily ignored. Kyuhyun pauses his massacre, just as he's about to blow up a Protoss ship with Geng, Geng, Jr. and Hangeng the Unhygenic in it (plus lackeys, accordingly named Ryeowook,) and sighs dramatically.
Zhou Mi sets a cup of tea by Kyuhyun's computer. "Spending time together is a good thing, Kui Xian."
Kyuhyun slides away from his desk, cradling the mug in his palms. "I know. But what's wrong with seeing a movie?"
"No talking?" Zhou Mi suggests, allowing Kyuhyun to rest on his shoulder.
"So overrated," Kyuhyun grumbles.
"Want to come shopping with me tomorrow?" Zhou Mi asks hopefully, "I'll ask Henry and I won't tell him that you're coming."
Kyuhyun grins and they spend the night plotting.
*
The next morning, Hangeng wakes them both rudely and shoves a phone to Kyuhyun’s ear.
“CHO KYUHYUN.” Kyuhyun can hear the capital letters, even though Leeteuk isn’t shouting, and he winces. “PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY HANKYUNG CALLED ME THIS MORNING AND SAID THAT YOU WERE NOT LISTENING TO HIM.”
“I’m listening perfectly well, Leetuek” Kyuhyun responds.
Zhou Mi looks petrified and scrambles for the other side of the room.
“NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR.”
“Sorry, umma, I won’t ever do it again,” Kyuhyun tries.
There is a fuming silence on the other end and Kyuhyun realizes that had there not been almost 600 miles between them, he would have kept his mouth shut.
“Um,” he says, before Leeteuk can respond, “You should know that I’m taking Henry out shopping today and I’m totally serious about creating a Very Important Bond between the seven of us. And I’m going to respect him and not pry into his private business.”
Kyuhyun thinks that he can hear the quiet, yet angry murmuring of Kangin in the background, and he swallows, hoping that Leeteuk does not pass the phone off in his exasperation.
“Fine,” Leeteuk says, and Kyuhyun hears the capital letters disperse, “but if I hear one word from China that is in any way related to you pulling a Kim Heechul or Shim Changmin on anyone, especially Henry, I will fly to Beijing and kill you myself. Is that clear?”
“Perfectly.”
“Give the phone to Zhou Mi. I know he’s right there.”
Kyuhyun looks at Zhou Mi, who whimpers pathetically but takes the phone anyhow. Not that he would have had much of a choice.
“H-hi Leeteuk.” He tries to be cheerful, but he’s soon blubbering and apologizing and Kyuhyun thinks it’s all very embarrassing. But cute, somehow.
Zhou Mi hangs up, cheery personality completely deflated, and Kyuhyun tries not to laugh as the Chinese man says, “Leeteuk says that Hangeng has spiders and he’s not afraid to use them.”
Kyuhyun resolves, right then and there, to become the Kim Heechul/Shim Changmin of Super Junior M. Or at least, to let everyone know that he already is. Using spiders against Zhou Mi is just so unfair.
*
“I’m not going to pry,” Kyuhyun later tells Henry, Zhou Mi in tow, “Leeteuk made me promise.”
Henry fiddles with his cell phone.
“I’m sorry we cornered you,” Kyuhyun says, “It won’t happen again, okay?”
Henry nods once, and then asks, “You’re shopping voluntarily?”
“No,” Kyuhyun sighs, “So let’s get this over with.”
He pretends to not notice Zhou Mi’s pout.
Somehow, he is persuaded into buying a new pair of skinny jeans that he doesn’t need, but that apparently look fabulous on him, as well as a new pair of sunglasses, because Henry said that he is immediately identifiable in the pair he owns now.
While Zhou Mi pops into a store to buy yet another expensive bottle of make up he isn’t going to use, Kyuhyun approaches Henry and tries strategy number one.
“Hey. I really am sorry about last night.”
Henry smiles.
“Look,” Kyuhyun sticks his hands in his pockets, bag swinging from one arm, “that thing I saw, I’ll totally forget it. Whatever your reason, it isn’t any of my business.” He casts a glance at Henry’s face and was pleased to see it becoming very red very fast.
“Um, thanks.”
“But, you know, if you ever want to talk to someone, I’m all ears. Zhou Mi too.”
Henry bites his lip.
After a filling lunch, more unnecessary shopping, and very tired feet, Henry finally blurts out, "I'm in love with Donghae."
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun grin and poke Henry's cheeks, promising to take the secret to their graves. Kyuhyun plots in the back of his mind and tries not to cackle maniacally.
Hangeng is duly impressed when they come back laughing, armed to the teeth with bags.
“I knew calling Leeteuk was a brilliant idea,” Kyuhyun hears him whisper to Ryeowook.
The gamer grits his teeth and he and Zhou Mi plot the demise of Hangeng and his lackey Ryeowook, who map out friendships on paper and cover them with stickers and smiley faces.
“I’m going to raid the alcohol,” Kyuhyun says, after awhile, “I’ll be right back.”
He’s not sure if it’s the best idea until he runs into Donghae and persuades him to come and have a drink.
Zhou Mi has a wicked glint in his eye when he sees Donghae.
“Let’s just not tell Hangeng,” Donghae says, obviously a little worried.
“Don’t worry,” Kyuhyun assures him, “we won’t.”
*
Two hours later, Donghae sits up suddenly, very drunk, and practically shouts, “I think I love Henry,” before proceeding to pass out.
“I wonder if he’ll remember that in the morning,” Zhou Mi muses, and he and Kyuhyun toast their success, giggling like teenage girls. Kyuhyun eventually starts to snort, which leads them both into side splitting laughter which is only just quelled before waking the whole dorm.
Kyuhyun’s head is spinning a little bit, and he wobbles as he tries to stand. Zhou Mi catches his elbow, drunkenly whispering, “and I thought you were a good drinker.”
“I am,” Kyuhyun replies. He watches Zhou Mi spin around the kitchen, attempting to sing the entirety of Super Girl in falsetto, and Kyuhyun wonders if there’s something besides alcohol that’s made him drunk.
*
The next morning, Hangeng is glaring suspiciously at them, his pen poised over his paper. “So you just talked?”
They all nod.
“For two hours?”
“Three, before Donghae fell asleep,” Kyuhyun says.
Hangeng looks them over before saying, “Three hours divided by three people is one. That’s not long enough, so I’m only counting it as time half spent together.” He then makes a complicated and intricate design of Kui Xian/Zhou Mi/Donghai, complete with half of a smiley face.
Kyuhyun is thankful that no one notices the dirty glasses in the sink and so he doesn’t complain.
“Now what?” Zhou Mi asks later that night as they lay side by side, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars Henry had stuck on their ceiling after their shopping trip.
“Now you go lay in your own bed.”
“Spiders,” Zhou Mi says fearfully, eyeing his bed suspiciously, and Kyuhyun can only sigh. He thinks he ought to rename some Protoss generals Leeteuk.
*
Siwon is a little too easy to fit into their plans. Kyuhyun ends up studying Mandarin with him, practicing how to say “I really like you, can we please go out?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t know why Siwon is okay with learning this, but he didn’t think too hard about it. Siwon and Siwon's happiness is not his objective, at least not yet.
Hangeng beams all day when he finds out, obviously very pleased, and Kyuhyun figures he's out of the doghouse, at least for now.
*
Kyuhyun snags Donghae after a sweaty dance rehearsal and subsequent shower. “Let’s study Mandarin; I had a fun time with Siwon yesterday, and we’ll have Zhou Mi’s added help!”
“But I spent yesterday practicing calligraphy with Ryeowook. My brain hurts.”
Kyuhyun is only momentarily distracted by Donghae’s frown. “It’ll be good for you! We learned Henry’s favorite phrase and it’s so much fun to say.”
Kyuhyun’s mind does an iPod commercial dance as Donghae smiles. “Okay.”
“What am I saying?” Donghae whines after an hour or so of carefully formed tones and tongue rolls.
“Henry’s explanation in the best,” Kyuhyun assures him, and he and Zhou Mi high five one another as Donghae runs off to find Henry.
They sneak (dash madly) after the dancer, and find him standing in front of Henry, slightly breathless. “I learned your favorite Mandarin phrase!”
Henry stares at him for a moment. “What?”
Donghae takes a deep breath and says, in perfect Mandarin, “I really like you, can we please go out?”
Henry stares at him for a moment, and Kyuhyun realizes that there might be a small oversight in his plan. Henry has to understand the phrase if this is to work.
“What?”
Donghae blinks, and repeats it again, forming the sounds carefully.
Henry breaks into a grin. “Really?
Donghae blinks again and Zhou Mi is laughing hysterically into Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “Yes?”
Henry whoops and proceeds to grab Donghae and swing him around. Kyuhyun tries not to grin as Henry sets a very bewildered Donghae onto the ground before proceeding to kiss him quite thoroughly. “Really?” He clarifies when they part.
“If that is your reaction, then yes. Absolutely yes.”
Zhou Mi is squealing at this point, and at the risk of being discovered, Kyuhyun pulls him away.
“Oh, Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi gushes, “I love match making. This was so much fun and we need to do it again.”
Kyuhyun chuckles for approximately five seconds before Zhou Mi has him backed into a wall. “What,” Kyuhyun starts.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi whispers, “Kyuhyun.”
Oh my, Kyuhyun thinks faintly, before Zhou Mi presses their lips together.
“What was that?” he manages, after Zhou Mi pulls away.
“Our time together?” Zhou Mi offers.
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes before tugging Zhou Mi closer, “That was like five seconds. There is no way Hangeng is going to let that fly.”
“Well then,” Zhou Mi laughs and nuzzles his nose up Kyuhyun’s jaw.
*
(“Congratulations,” Leeteuk says, “No leader is ever official without some sly match making. Consider yourself inducted.”)
****
God this is so disjointed and weird. As mentioned above, please direct all complaints here. :)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Qmi, Henhae
Genre: band!fic, humor, crack
Summary: Hangeng sets up group bonding time and Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi use it as an excuse to uncover the suspicious behavior of one Henry Lau.
A/N I have no idea if you can name your opponents in StarCraft. (Besides which if anyone could figure out out how to do it, impossibilities aside, it would be Kyuhyun, yes?) You can blame this entire thing on Mocha Kahlua, especially the ending.
It starts when Hangeng decides that they all need bonding time. He has Ryeowook make a chart, writing their names in all sorts of boxes and angles that even Kyuhyun has trouble following. His eyes start to cross when he stares for too long.
“What does it mean?” Donghae asks, squinting like he needs glasses.
“It means,” Hangeng begins, and then coughs to get the attention of Zhou Mi who is pulling a down feather from Kyuhyun’s hair, “It means that you have to spend time with each other. Not in front of the computer. Not in front of the television. Not on television. Not in a theater.”
“Why?” Henry asks, and Kyuhyun can't help but notice the carefully guarded glance that is sent Donghae's way.
“Because I said so,” Hangeng replies, and Kyuhyun hits his head on the doorframe loudly.
Lamest excuse ever.
Zhou Mi pats his back. “It won’t be bad, Kui Xian. It’s not like we hate each other.”
Ryeowook cheerfully fills in Saturday night’s square with “Ryeowook teaches Kyuhyun how to cook," and Kyuhyun moans quietly so that Hangeng can’t hear. A certain StarCraft semi-final round that he won’t be able to attend pops into his mind and he temporarily forgets all the awkward feet shuffling and nervous lip biting in the favor of abject misery.
“And if any of you,” Hangeng glares, “Do not take this seriously, or decide to fill in the squares with bogus, silly, and/or promiscuous things, you will find yourself having to do your bonding time twice. And,” he adds, “I will call Leeteuk and have him yell at you.”
The last bit, Kyuhyun thinks, is a viable threat, and so he agrees.
*
The cooking lessons are as horrible as Kyuhyun thought they would be. He manages to burn several pots and singe the apron he is wearing (one of Ryeowook's favorites.) He is promptly banned from the kitchen forever.
"Not even a cup of tea," Ryeowook hisses at him, "Do you hear me, Cho Kyuhyun? Stay away!”
The humiliation continues, when later that night, Kyuhyun receives a very angry phone call from Yesung full of yelling and cursing and "stay away from him, and the kitchen, or I will gut you."
Hangeng only smiles happily when Kyuhyun reports that his time with Ryeowook is done. Completely and utterly.
"Glad it went so well," the leaders says cheerily, before going back to his phone conversation with Heechul.
"He didn't even listen to me," Kyuhyun complains later that night to Zhou Mi, "Why does Heechul get all his attention; I feel so neglected.”
Zhou Mi just pets him comfortingly and tells him that at least he will never surpass Donghae in terms of failures in the kitchen.
*
Kyuhyun blocks out everyone and everything as he suffers from a case of denial. It ends when he receives a smug glare from Ryeowook as Henry unveils a successfully baked cake; Kyuhyun quietly declares war.
Zhou Mi nudges Kyuhyun underneath the table, and he looks up in time to see Henry blushing a deep red as Donghae praises the violinist profusely. "You can do everything!"
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi share matching, devious, grins and later that night, they corner Henry.
"So," Kyuhyun drawls, "I didn't know you could blush like that."
"Hyung," Henry mutters, and then when Kyuhyun doesn't change his expression, pleads to Zhou Mi, "Gege!"
"He's on my side," Kyuhyun interjects before Zhou Mi can assert his own position, "Now tell us everything or I will post about it on my cyworld."
Heechul would be proud, Kyuhyun thinks.
"Hyung," Henry pleads, "Hyung, it's really nothing."
Kyuhyun crosses his arms and impersonates Siwon raising an eyebrow.
"Gege!" Henry wails, and adopts a perfectly terrified face. Kyuhyun snorts derisively, and steps closer, mentally rolling up his sleeves.
Turns out, it wasn't the smartest idea, because Henry had been wailing to a passing Hangeng. The timing is impeccable and it makes Kyuhyun ill.
"Harassment," Hangeng says severely, coming to stand in front of Henry, "does not count as time together. You can spend a few more hours with Ryeowook now; I'l let him pick what the three of you will do."
"I guess he was listening," Kyuhyun complains to Zhou Mi, and makes the taller man share his bed so that he can drool on something other than his pillow. Except that he hopes that he doesn't, because putting anything on Zhou Mi's body that isn't perfect doesn't seem right.
*
Ryeowook takes them both out shopping. Zhou Mi is excited until he realizes that by shopping, Ryeowook means "I push a grocery cart and you run and fetch.” Kyuhyun contemplates smashing a bottle of wine over Ryeowook's head before a vision of Yesung's thunderous face flashes in his mind and he decides that maybe that wouldn’t be the best way to deal with his anger.
When he gets home, he begins a new StarCraft campaign and changes the game code so that all of his enemies are named some form or variation of Hangeng.
Justice is served, the gamer thinks, as he slaughters Hangeng the Horrible in one, fell swoop.
"I think you're taking this a little too seriously," Zhou Mi says after three quarters of the Terran campaign is completed in record time (with profuse amounts of swearing.)
"I always take gaming seriously."
"You know what I mean," Zhou Mi says, and Kyuhyun expects the words to be firm, but they're not.
A gentle Zhou Mi has never been something that is easily ignored. Kyuhyun pauses his massacre, just as he's about to blow up a Protoss ship with Geng, Geng, Jr. and Hangeng the Unhygenic in it (plus lackeys, accordingly named Ryeowook,) and sighs dramatically.
Zhou Mi sets a cup of tea by Kyuhyun's computer. "Spending time together is a good thing, Kui Xian."
Kyuhyun slides away from his desk, cradling the mug in his palms. "I know. But what's wrong with seeing a movie?"
"No talking?" Zhou Mi suggests, allowing Kyuhyun to rest on his shoulder.
"So overrated," Kyuhyun grumbles.
"Want to come shopping with me tomorrow?" Zhou Mi asks hopefully, "I'll ask Henry and I won't tell him that you're coming."
Kyuhyun grins and they spend the night plotting.
*
The next morning, Hangeng wakes them both rudely and shoves a phone to Kyuhyun’s ear.
“CHO KYUHYUN.” Kyuhyun can hear the capital letters, even though Leeteuk isn’t shouting, and he winces. “PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY HANKYUNG CALLED ME THIS MORNING AND SAID THAT YOU WERE NOT LISTENING TO HIM.”
“I’m listening perfectly well, Leetuek” Kyuhyun responds.
Zhou Mi looks petrified and scrambles for the other side of the room.
“NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR.”
“Sorry, umma, I won’t ever do it again,” Kyuhyun tries.
There is a fuming silence on the other end and Kyuhyun realizes that had there not been almost 600 miles between them, he would have kept his mouth shut.
“Um,” he says, before Leeteuk can respond, “You should know that I’m taking Henry out shopping today and I’m totally serious about creating a Very Important Bond between the seven of us. And I’m going to respect him and not pry into his private business.”
Kyuhyun thinks that he can hear the quiet, yet angry murmuring of Kangin in the background, and he swallows, hoping that Leeteuk does not pass the phone off in his exasperation.
“Fine,” Leeteuk says, and Kyuhyun hears the capital letters disperse, “but if I hear one word from China that is in any way related to you pulling a Kim Heechul or Shim Changmin on anyone, especially Henry, I will fly to Beijing and kill you myself. Is that clear?”
“Perfectly.”
“Give the phone to Zhou Mi. I know he’s right there.”
Kyuhyun looks at Zhou Mi, who whimpers pathetically but takes the phone anyhow. Not that he would have had much of a choice.
“H-hi Leeteuk.” He tries to be cheerful, but he’s soon blubbering and apologizing and Kyuhyun thinks it’s all very embarrassing. But cute, somehow.
Zhou Mi hangs up, cheery personality completely deflated, and Kyuhyun tries not to laugh as the Chinese man says, “Leeteuk says that Hangeng has spiders and he’s not afraid to use them.”
Kyuhyun resolves, right then and there, to become the Kim Heechul/Shim Changmin of Super Junior M. Or at least, to let everyone know that he already is. Using spiders against Zhou Mi is just so unfair.
*
“I’m not going to pry,” Kyuhyun later tells Henry, Zhou Mi in tow, “Leeteuk made me promise.”
Henry fiddles with his cell phone.
“I’m sorry we cornered you,” Kyuhyun says, “It won’t happen again, okay?”
Henry nods once, and then asks, “You’re shopping voluntarily?”
“No,” Kyuhyun sighs, “So let’s get this over with.”
He pretends to not notice Zhou Mi’s pout.
Somehow, he is persuaded into buying a new pair of skinny jeans that he doesn’t need, but that apparently look fabulous on him, as well as a new pair of sunglasses, because Henry said that he is immediately identifiable in the pair he owns now.
While Zhou Mi pops into a store to buy yet another expensive bottle of make up he isn’t going to use, Kyuhyun approaches Henry and tries strategy number one.
“Hey. I really am sorry about last night.”
Henry smiles.
“Look,” Kyuhyun sticks his hands in his pockets, bag swinging from one arm, “that thing I saw, I’ll totally forget it. Whatever your reason, it isn’t any of my business.” He casts a glance at Henry’s face and was pleased to see it becoming very red very fast.
“Um, thanks.”
“But, you know, if you ever want to talk to someone, I’m all ears. Zhou Mi too.”
Henry bites his lip.
After a filling lunch, more unnecessary shopping, and very tired feet, Henry finally blurts out, "I'm in love with Donghae."
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun grin and poke Henry's cheeks, promising to take the secret to their graves. Kyuhyun plots in the back of his mind and tries not to cackle maniacally.
Hangeng is duly impressed when they come back laughing, armed to the teeth with bags.
“I knew calling Leeteuk was a brilliant idea,” Kyuhyun hears him whisper to Ryeowook.
The gamer grits his teeth and he and Zhou Mi plot the demise of Hangeng and his lackey Ryeowook, who map out friendships on paper and cover them with stickers and smiley faces.
“I’m going to raid the alcohol,” Kyuhyun says, after awhile, “I’ll be right back.”
He’s not sure if it’s the best idea until he runs into Donghae and persuades him to come and have a drink.
Zhou Mi has a wicked glint in his eye when he sees Donghae.
“Let’s just not tell Hangeng,” Donghae says, obviously a little worried.
“Don’t worry,” Kyuhyun assures him, “we won’t.”
*
Two hours later, Donghae sits up suddenly, very drunk, and practically shouts, “I think I love Henry,” before proceeding to pass out.
“I wonder if he’ll remember that in the morning,” Zhou Mi muses, and he and Kyuhyun toast their success, giggling like teenage girls. Kyuhyun eventually starts to snort, which leads them both into side splitting laughter which is only just quelled before waking the whole dorm.
Kyuhyun’s head is spinning a little bit, and he wobbles as he tries to stand. Zhou Mi catches his elbow, drunkenly whispering, “and I thought you were a good drinker.”
“I am,” Kyuhyun replies. He watches Zhou Mi spin around the kitchen, attempting to sing the entirety of Super Girl in falsetto, and Kyuhyun wonders if there’s something besides alcohol that’s made him drunk.
*
The next morning, Hangeng is glaring suspiciously at them, his pen poised over his paper. “So you just talked?”
They all nod.
“For two hours?”
“Three, before Donghae fell asleep,” Kyuhyun says.
Hangeng looks them over before saying, “Three hours divided by three people is one. That’s not long enough, so I’m only counting it as time half spent together.” He then makes a complicated and intricate design of Kui Xian/Zhou Mi/Donghai, complete with half of a smiley face.
Kyuhyun is thankful that no one notices the dirty glasses in the sink and so he doesn’t complain.
“Now what?” Zhou Mi asks later that night as they lay side by side, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars Henry had stuck on their ceiling after their shopping trip.
“Now you go lay in your own bed.”
“Spiders,” Zhou Mi says fearfully, eyeing his bed suspiciously, and Kyuhyun can only sigh. He thinks he ought to rename some Protoss generals Leeteuk.
*
Siwon is a little too easy to fit into their plans. Kyuhyun ends up studying Mandarin with him, practicing how to say “I really like you, can we please go out?”
Kyuhyun doesn’t know why Siwon is okay with learning this, but he didn’t think too hard about it. Siwon and Siwon's happiness is not his objective, at least not yet.
Hangeng beams all day when he finds out, obviously very pleased, and Kyuhyun figures he's out of the doghouse, at least for now.
*
Kyuhyun snags Donghae after a sweaty dance rehearsal and subsequent shower. “Let’s study Mandarin; I had a fun time with Siwon yesterday, and we’ll have Zhou Mi’s added help!”
“But I spent yesterday practicing calligraphy with Ryeowook. My brain hurts.”
Kyuhyun is only momentarily distracted by Donghae’s frown. “It’ll be good for you! We learned Henry’s favorite phrase and it’s so much fun to say.”
Kyuhyun’s mind does an iPod commercial dance as Donghae smiles. “Okay.”
“What am I saying?” Donghae whines after an hour or so of carefully formed tones and tongue rolls.
“Henry’s explanation in the best,” Kyuhyun assures him, and he and Zhou Mi high five one another as Donghae runs off to find Henry.
They sneak (dash madly) after the dancer, and find him standing in front of Henry, slightly breathless. “I learned your favorite Mandarin phrase!”
Henry stares at him for a moment. “What?”
Donghae takes a deep breath and says, in perfect Mandarin, “I really like you, can we please go out?”
Henry stares at him for a moment, and Kyuhyun realizes that there might be a small oversight in his plan. Henry has to understand the phrase if this is to work.
“What?”
Donghae blinks, and repeats it again, forming the sounds carefully.
Henry breaks into a grin. “Really?
Donghae blinks again and Zhou Mi is laughing hysterically into Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “Yes?”
Henry whoops and proceeds to grab Donghae and swing him around. Kyuhyun tries not to grin as Henry sets a very bewildered Donghae onto the ground before proceeding to kiss him quite thoroughly. “Really?” He clarifies when they part.
“If that is your reaction, then yes. Absolutely yes.”
Zhou Mi is squealing at this point, and at the risk of being discovered, Kyuhyun pulls him away.
“Oh, Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi gushes, “I love match making. This was so much fun and we need to do it again.”
Kyuhyun chuckles for approximately five seconds before Zhou Mi has him backed into a wall. “What,” Kyuhyun starts.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi whispers, “Kyuhyun.”
Oh my, Kyuhyun thinks faintly, before Zhou Mi presses their lips together.
“What was that?” he manages, after Zhou Mi pulls away.
“Our time together?” Zhou Mi offers.
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes before tugging Zhou Mi closer, “That was like five seconds. There is no way Hangeng is going to let that fly.”
“Well then,” Zhou Mi laughs and nuzzles his nose up Kyuhyun’s jaw.
*
(“Congratulations,” Leeteuk says, “No leader is ever official without some sly match making. Consider yourself inducted.”)
****
God this is so disjointed and weird. As mentioned above, please direct all complaints here. :)