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The Naked Man
Rating: Erm...PG-13. For nakedness.
Genre: humor/crack-like tendencies
Pairing: Yoosu/OT5
Summary: There's a naked man on campus...
A/N: We were discussing in class today the case of Andrew Martinez who walked around the Berkeley campus and attended classes completely naked. I immediately thought that it might potentially be a hilarious fic. So instead of writing my paper on Thomas Merton and prayer, I wrote this. And I'm rather proud of it.
"Junsu. Junsu."
Junsu looked up from his last minute reading and glowered at his friend. "What, Min?"
"There is a naked man walking across campus."
"Min, I need to read this chapter in five minutes; can you save the lame jokes until after class, please?"
"Junsu, I can see his ass and...and stuff."
"You must love it then. Free porn!" Junsu refused to succumb to Changmin's attempt to distract him. Junsu was sure it was because Changmin wanted to ensure himself the highest grade in the class. Junsu ignored his friend's angry mutters and went back reading.
Three minutes later, Jaejoong tore into the room, an incredulous expresssion on his face. "Minnnniieee!!" he squealed, making Junsu mutter about classroom conditions, "Dearest MinMin! Guess what? Oh...hi, Junsu."
Junsu leveled a glare at his friend, shaking the textbook under his nose.
Jaejoong tsked and jumped onto the desk in front of Changmin. "Changmin! You. Will. Die. There is a naked man walking the hallways. "
"I TOLD YOU." Junsu winced as Changmin screamed in his ear.
"You're both in on it. You want Yunho to murder me for not finishing my reading so that he will love you both more. I will not believe you."
"Junsu," Jaejong cooed, "I swear on my secret love for Jung that I legitimately saw a gorgeous, naked, man with nothing but a book bag on his back."
"Your love is not secret, it is unrequited. Let me read."
"He was so hot, Junsu. Nothing like my Yunnie, but you know..." Jaejoong's eyes glazed over.
In utter frustration, Junsu slammed his book down on the desk in front of him and stood up yelling, "I don't care if there is a fucking orgy going on, let me READ so I don't FAIL."
The edgy silence that followed told Junsu that perhaps he had yelled a bit louder than he had meant to and when his apologetic bow did nothing to stop the awkward shifting he turned to find his professor leaning against the whiteboard, a very amused expression on his face.
"What are you failing, Junsu?"
"Um...nothing...at the moment." Junsu sat back down, nervously drumming his fingers against his thigh.
"Good to hear. I thought for a moment you were referring to the reading I assigned and I was afraid that maybe you wouldn't be prepared for the quiz I have for you today."
There was a collective groan at this announcement and Junsu felt his mouth go dry. Jung Yunho's quizzes were never things you wanted to be unprepared for. Ever. They weren't even quizzes really, all the students called them quizams.
"It sounds like some of you forgot...or maybe I forgot to mention it?" Junsu had a sudden urge to wipe the self-satisfied smirk from his professor's face. "Lucky for you, I've decided to post-pone it until next class." Junsu could have peed with relief. He glanced at Jaejoong (whose face had paled at the mention of the word quiz) and watched his friend wipe his forehead (he really had broken out into sweat.)
"The copier wasn't working," Jung Yunho continued his explanation, "must have been an act of God..."
Junsu heard several muttered prayers to said deity and decided to offer one up on his own.
"Also...someone added this class, anyone here new? What was the name?"
Junsu calmed his beating heart and patted Jaejoong on the back comfortingly. It would have been a terrible thing to fail a quiz from your favorite professor...who you happened to be not-so-secretly in love with. "Study session tomorrow?" Junsu murmured as Jung ruffled through papers to find his attendance list. Jaejoong nodded fervently.
"Hey. Don't leave me out." Changmin was pouting.
"You're brilliant. You never need to study."
"I study all the time."
"Tch."
"Park. Park Yoochun." Yunho looked around the room carefully and Junsu heard Jaejoong sigh with longing. "No?" Yunho looked at the clock on the wall and quirked his mouth. "Well, he has a minute."
Junsu swallowed. He had come to class late one day...it had not been a fun experience.
A few seconds before the digital clock turned to 12:00, the door opened and Junsu felt his jaw drop as a butt-naked man walked into the door like he was worth a million dollars.
Junsu had to admit, the man did look like a million dollars.
"I told you," Changmin muttered under his breath. "Naked."
"Oh, God," Junsu heard one of the girls breath.
Junsu slid his gaze to Yunho, holding his breath.
"He is so dead," Changmin whispered.
"Kick that nekkid ass, Yunnie," Junsu heard Jaejoong mumble and for once, Junsu was extraordinarily happy that he was in one of the hardest classes at the University with one of the hardest (but best) professors. Shit like this wouldn't be tolerated. It wouldn't.
"You must be Park Yoochun," Yunho smiled disarmingly at the man.
"In the flesh."
"You're right on time...barely. You must have been in a rush."
"Not particularly."
"Are you sure? You seem to have forgotten a few things."
A couple of guffaws were heard through the room.
"My clothes you mean?"
Yunho clicked his tongue. "How perceptive."
"I like being naked."
"And you assume that the rest of us enjoy seeing you naked?" Yunho countered, "You think your naked body is something to look at, do you?"
"Yes, actually, I do. I think more people should walk around naked. I was born this way, why should have I have live differently than the way I was born?"
"Park Yoochun you do realize that every girl in this room, perhaps even some of the boys, are now staring at your - and I do admit it is impressive - body and thinking of all the dirty and sexual things they can do to it?"
Even Junsu had a hard time not laughing at this.
"They wouldn't be human if they didn't, professor."
"You can just call me Yunho. I'm not one for titles."
"Yunho, then."
"Tell me, Park Yoochun. Do you mind them thinking these things about you?"
"Not really, Yunho."
"So you enjoy it then?"
Junsu sniggered. Damn naked man deserved every jibe and Kim Junsu was going to enjoy every moment of it.
"I'm...indifferent."
"Tell me...Yoochun...what would you say if I told you to march your naked self back to wherever your closet is and put some damn clothes on or I'd fail your sorry ass for the entire semester?"
"Seriously?'"
"Truthfully."
"He so would, too," Changmin murmured, "Jaejoong, help me, I think I'm falling for Yunho."
"If you fall for him, I will never feed you again. Ever."
Changmin whimpered.
"I'd tell you to go fuck yourself. I'll wear whatever I want to, or whatever I don't want to."
There was a silence before Yunho said, "Well, this is a law class so let me ask you this. Aren't you afraid of being arrested?"
"For what?"
Yunho turned to the class and before he could even ask, Jaejoong said "Indecent exposure." Yunho smiled at Jaejoong and Junsu swore that he saw his friend melt slightly into his chair.
"I was arrested for that, actually."
"Then why are you standing here?" Junsu heard himself blurt out.
"The judge said that nudity without lewd behavior wasn't grounds for prosecution."
"Sorry," Junsu said sarcastically, "But I don't believe for a second that you're not lewd."
Yoochun smiled at him and Junsu could have sworn he heard the grease dripping from his voice as he said, "Oh, I can be lewd...I'm just lewd with clothes on."
There was another incredibly awkward silence. "Very well," Yunho said quietly, "You've impressed me. You may have a seat. But next class you will be here fully clothed or I will get you expelled. Understood?"
"Perfectly."
"Excellent."
Yunho let his eyes rake over the young man before him and Junsu heard Jaejoong murmur, "God, why doesn't he look at me like that. Maybe I should come to class naked."
"Yunho knows you too well," Changmin muttered, "Bad idea."
Junsu nudged his friends when he noticed that Yunho was regarding them with a small smirk as if he had heard the exchange. Shit. He did hear that.
"Tell me, Yoochun, do you always complete assigned readings?"
"Yes, Yunho."
"You can say no."
"I always read."
"Really?"
"If I'm lying, you can pick out my clothing for me for the entire semester."
Yunho's smirk grew. "Excellent. Sit next to Junsu, maybe you can teach him something."
There were titters and giggles heard through the room as Yunho pointed the way.
"Someone has a new favorite student~" Changmin sing-songed to Jaejoong.
"Shut up."
Junsu very studiously stared straightforward. "Do not," he informed Park Yoochun, "talk to me."
"Frustration noted. Maybe you'll talk to me when I come to class clothed?"
Junsu ran an eye down Yoochun's body and then focused on opening his notes and preparing his hand for serious amounts of note-taking. Yoochun was hot, he couldn't deny it. "Possibly."
Changmin snickered.
Comments please! I had fun writing this...I hope you had fun reading it. :)
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"Not particularly."
"Are you sure? You seem to have forgotten a few things."
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha~ OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!! xDDDDDDD
You just need to write a sequel! Seriously. Definitely.
It was über hilarious!!! Kekeke~
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