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Entry tags:
Revelation
Title: Revelation
Rating: R
Summary: Law!verse. Jaejoong stays at Yunho's for the night due to and resulting in revelation all around.
Warning: Swearing (f-bomb), beginning of heartbreak.
Yunho’s Civil Procedure class that Yoochun was in only met once a week Wednesday afternoons. Yoochun usually stayed after to talk about American law and Harvard until Jaejoong called to demand that Yoochun come back to help so the TA could actually get some work done.
Today was no different.
“Yunho, send Yoochun back. He was supposed to be here an hour ago.”
“He’s leaving right now, Joongie, he was helping me clean.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it. He’s worse than you.”
“Hey. He has you on speaker phone. I heard that.”
“Great. Maybe it’ll motivate you to clean my sister’s guest room. She’ll freak when she comes back.”
“Whatever, I’ll be there soon.”
“Fine. Yunho, if I die because he didn’t come back quick enough, please kill him on my behalf.”
Yunho chuckled. “Call me tonight.”
“Okay, see you tomor- Seungyon, those had better not be shoes on your fe-”
Yoochun laughed and slung his bag on his shoulder as the line went dead, “Tough luck. You only just started dating and there are kids in the way.”
“I just said the same thing to him the other day,” Yunho replied wryly. “You better hurry.”
“Yunho!” The professor looked up and tried to keep his face straight as he saw Kibum striding up the hallway practically dragging Soo Ae behind him.
Shit.
“You should go,” Yunho said again, quietly, even though he knew there was no way Yoochun wouldn’t see Soo Ae...Soo Ae’s hand in Kibum’s...Shit, shit, shit.
“What’s wrong?” Yoochun asked.
“Yunho!”
The law professor sighed, “Just...don’t freak out too loud, okay?”
“What?”
“Yunho, honestly....oh, sorry, you’re with a student.” Kibum stopped in the doorway.
Yunho watched as Yoochun stared at Soo Ae who was trying to wriggle out of Kibum’s hold and getting paler by the minute.
“What do you want?” Yunho asked, wondering when Yoochun was going to put two and two together.
“We’re going out for dinner, want to come? Ask your...um...” Kibum threw a look at Yoochun, obviously thinking he knew nothing of Jaejoong. “Your friend.”
“Jaejoong,” Yunho supplied, carefully noting Yoochun’s eyes as they slid to Soo Ae’s hand in Kibum’s, “It’s fine, Yoochun knows.”
“Really?” Kibum pulled Soo Ae further into Yunho’s office, “I’m Kibum, I teach veterinarian medicine here.”
Yunho crossed his arms and watched.
“S-Soo Ae? What...what is this?”
“You know each other?” Kibum asked.
Yoochun frowned slightly, his eyes resting on the conjoined hands once more, “I thought I knew her.”
“Sorry, what?” Kibum asked again and Yunho could tell he was slightly annoyed.
“Can you give us a minute, please? Or two? Or maybe longer?”
Kibum stared from Yoochun to Soo Ae and then back again.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Kibum,” Yunho said softly, “They need some time.”
“Come again?”
“Get out of my office, they need to talk.”
“Fine, but someone had better explain to me later. Preferably before I storm back up here to find out why my girlfriend needs to talk to someone privately without me.”
Soo Ae winced as the word girlfriend came out of Kibum’s mouth. All confusion left Yoochun’s face and was replaced with anger. “Oh, trust me, there will be lots of explaining.
Kibum’s eyebrows further knitted together but after pursing his lips, he walked out.
“Soo Ae, what the fuck?”
“Sit,” Yunho pointed Yoochun towards the large desk chair, “Yoochun, go and sit, now. You too,” he nodded at Soo Ae who sat in front of the desk, her head hanging, refusing to look at Yoochun.
“Soo Ae you had better have fucking good explanation because it fucking looks like you’re fucking someone other than Changmin.”
Soo Ae said nothing and Yunho pulled his office key off of his key ring and placed it in front of Yoochun. “I’m going to go help Jaejoong. When you are done discussing this civilly you will lock my office up and walk Soo Ae down to Kibum. What you do after that is your decision. Did you hear what I said?”
Yoochun was staring Soo Ae down so intensely Yunho wondered if leaving them alone was maybe not such a bright idea on his part.
“Perfectly,” Yoochun bit through teeth.
Yunho walked out the door.
Yoochun waited until he heard the firm shut and took a few breaths to calm himself. Yelling, while making him feel better, would most likely attract unwanted attention, and they didn’t need that.
“Explain,” he said.
“Please don’t say anything,” Soo Ae whispered.
“Why the fuck not?” Yoochun decided that swearing was going to have to relieve his frustration since he couldn’t make loud noises. “You think I’m gonna just sit idly by knowing that my friend’s girlfriend it getting fucked into a mattress by another guy?”
“I...it was just a few dates.”
“You know, that doesn’t really matter to me. Cheating is cheating. Do you realize what this is going to do to Changmin? You obviously have no idea how much he loves you.”
“No, I do know.”
“Then why the hell are you dating someone else, Soo Ae?”
“Because I don’t love him back like that.”
Yoochun managed a short laugh, “Oh, well, that’s a great excuse. Usually you tell someone when you don’t love them. Why cheat, Soo Ae? Why...why break his heart?”
Yoochun felt his anger slip as he began to fully realize the emotional state that Changmin would be in.
“I didn’t...I didn’t want things to turn out this way, I was going to tell him when I was sick.”
“But instead you fucked him. Awesome. The complete opposite message.”
“I...I don’t deny my brain is screwed up.”
“You need a fucking shrink.”
“I’ve started to see one.”
Yoochun paused for a moment and then stood up and sat on the desk in front of Soo Ae. “Alright,” he whispered, “Look, I’m pissed beyond belief right now, but I’ve only known Changmin for a semester. No matter what I think or do, it isn’t going to be one tenth as bad as what Junsu is going to do, and you may want to go back to Japan for awhile once Jaejoong hears.”
Soo Ae sniffed and Yoochun handed her a tissue, thankful that they were visible on the overflowing desk.
“I will temporarily hold back my utter contempt so that you can explain everything to me and so that I don’t hit you. I don’t do that sort of thing, no matter how pissed I am.”
“Thanks,” Soo Ae said in a small voice.
“Talk.”
Yoochun closed his eyes and pretended that it wasn’t Soo Ae sitting in front of him, confessing an affair concerning one of the best friends he’d ever had in his entire life.
“I...I did love Changmin like that. For years. I guess this feeling just sort of crept up on me. The letters we wrote became just one more homework assignment to do before bed, I had to start thinking about things I could tell him when we talked, found myself not really wanting to have to call him because I’d rather read my book instead.”
Yoochun opened his eyes back up and watched Soo Ae fiddle with a fray on her jeans.
“Yoochun, I didn’t know what to do. I hate change, I hate not being secure. I can’t...the thought of being on my own after four years scared the shit out of me. I...I don’t know what to do because I honestly don’t know anything else. I don’t remember anything else. I just...I’ve been with him for so long, I didn’t know....I don’t know how to tell him I don’t love him like that anymore. Kibum was...me trying to convince myself that I still loved him, that no one could love me like Min-ah could but...that sort of back fired.”
“Because you found that you liked Kibum,” Yoochun tried to be kind.
Soo Ae nodded, “I know I handled it wrong. I realize that. I should have just told Minnie that I was tired. I tried to tell him that I didn’t deserve him...I tried to tell him so many times but I couldn’t. Yunho...Yunho said if I didn’t by Friday he was going to.”
Yoochun nodded, “Yunho’s smart like that. It really should be you telling Changmin that you’ve fallen out of love with him.”
“I know that,” Soo Ae whispered, tears falling again.
“What about Kibum?” Yoochun asked.
“He’s...nice. I like him, I don’t love him, not the way I loved Changmin. I used him to bury my other problems and that was unfair.”
“It’s good that you’re seeing a psychologist.”
“I made an appointment after Yunho yelled at me. I’m glad he did, I needed a wake up call. I was just sort of blocking out everything, living two lives and trying to balance everything, trying to make sense of it all...so...I guess it’s good that it’s out.”
Yoochun handed her another tissue. “I still don’t really understand why you did it, and I’m still very angry with you, but I can at least tell you’re upset and I think you regret it. And,” he added as he stood and stretched, “I agree with Yunho, you have two days until my love for Changmin overtakes the importance of you telling him. However, I think you’ll have to tell Kibum tonight.”
Soo Ae nodded, blowing her nose in a third tissue.
“Consider it practice. Telling Changmin is going to be ten times worse.”
“I know.”
“I’m not sure Jaejoong will like that spice in the cupcake frosting, Ha-Neul.”
“But Jaejae likes spicy!”
“Only on some things, sweetie, not everything.”
Ha-Neul pouted and Yunho sighed. “How about you put in some food coloring? Wouldn’t pink be nice?”
Her face lit up and she put the death sauce down. He swiped it from the counter when she wasn’t looking and found a high shelf to put it on, making a mental note to tell Jaejoong so he could find it later.
“So,” a voice purred from behind him, “Do you want to tell me why you’re here and not Yoochun?”
“You sound upset,” Yunho turned as Jaejoong wrapped his arms around the professor, “were you looking forward to yelling at him?”
“A little.”
“He stayed to talk to a student. It was personal and I thought it might be better if he talked to her rather than me.”
“The story that you were agonizing over a few days ago?”
“Yes.” Yunho was prepared for the questioning pout that appeared on Jaejoong’s mouth, kissing it away gently, “Don’t Jae, if you had been there, you would be talking to her.” Or killing her, I’m not exactly sure which.
Jaejoong hummed, still slightly disappointed, but he seemed content as he slipped over to Ha-Neul who had her arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently, waiting for someone to fetch her the red food dye.
Yunho slid the coloring into Jaejoong’s hand and just observed as Jaejoong helped Ha-Neul to mix it into the frosting he had made. Yunho was still watching them try to spread it on the now cooled cupcakes when Yoochun walked in looking angry and haggard.
Jaejoong’s pout returned slightly when Yoochun beckoned to the professor. Yunho hugged Jaejoong from behind briefly, whispering love and comforts until he smiled, pushing Yunho towards the living room, blushing furiously.
Yunho found Yoochun on the couch, his head in his hands as he tried to hold the tears inside. “How...how did you look Minnie in the eye that night? How did you not burst into tears?”
“I was too angry at first,” Yunho admitted, letting his hand drop onto Yoochun’s shoulder.
“She said you gave her until Friday.”
“I did.”
A hand swiped at cheeks roughly, “I don’t think I’ll be able to see Changmin for the next two days.”
“Probably a good idea,” Yunho said quietly, “and when the time comes, you hold Junsu and I’ll try to hide Jaejoong’s knives.”
“Just the knives? Joongie’s very creative, you’ll probably have to lock him up.”
The two shared a quiet chuckle and Yoochun stood back up. “I don’t really know if I can look at Jaejoong either. Watching the kids will keep my mind off of it tonight, so you should go out. Make him pack a bag and stay at your place.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I really need a distraction that isn’t someone who could theoretically pull the story out of me.”
“You mean Junsu.”
Yoochun took another shaky breath while nodding, “Exactly.”
Yunho didn’t need to be told twice and he turned around, practically grinning as he wrapped an arm around Jaejoong. “Ha-Neul, Yoochun is going to help you finish those.”
“Where is Jaejae going?”
“He’s coming with me.”
“I am?”
“You’re having a sleepover?”
There was a twinge of jealousy in Ha-Neul’s question and Yunho patted her head. “You’ll have fun with Yoochun.” Yunho covered Jaejoong’s ears and said conspiratorially, “And if you ask politely, he might let you stay up a little bit later.”
Sufficiently bribed out of throwing a tantrum, Ha-Neul turned victoriously back to the cupcake she was drowning in pink frosting and sprinkles. Yunho could almost see the plans whirling around in her head.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong murmured.
“Go pack a bag.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Quick, before Ha-Neul finds a flaw in my reasoning.”
One short car ride and a very sugary cupcake later, Jaejoong was curled up in Yunho’s bed, pressed against his side and wondering what had possessed Yoochun to offer what he did.
“You had better not be worrying about the kids, Kim Jaejoong.”
“I’m not.”
The pout that Jaejoong’s mouth formed was kissed gently.
“You’re worrying about something. What is it?”
The silken dark hair was buried further into Yunho’s shoulder and Jaejoong fought to keep his irritation down. “Yoochun wouldn’t look at me.”
“What?”
“After you talked. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, not even as we were leaving.”
“Jae...”
“Will I cry?” Jaejoong whispered.
“Come again?”
“Will I cry when I find out about whatever this is? Obviously I know the person or you both would have said something and Yoochun wouldn’t have avoided me. Don’t deny it.”
Yunho began to pet Jaejoong’s hair, a whispered yes fluttering the hair behind a perfect ear.
The younger let out a sigh and pushed away, lying on his back, suddenly finding the ceiling extraordinarily interesting.
“I guess it’s good that you heard this whatever it is before me.”
There was a questioning hum in his ear and he felt a hand slide across his stomach to pull him closer. “Well, since you’ve already been upset, you can expend all energy offering your shoulder to me.
Jaejoong wasn’t sure if it was the way Yunho’s chuckle resounded in his ear or the way his arm tightened or anything really, because the next thing he knew were Yunho’s lips.
It reminded Jaejoong of their first kiss -bordering slightly on passionate- but instead of retreating into awkward confessions, it was simply passionate, no borders in sight.
Will I ever be able to think when he does this? He still makes me melt, still makes my body feel like it has no breath, my heart like it has no rhythm.
“Why do you do this to me?”
It took Jaejoong a moment to realize that he hadn’t been the one to ask this, Yunho had.
“I was just asking myself the same thing.” How am I talking? Did that come out as a logical sentence? I don’t even know...
Jaejoong didn’t know when he had lost his shirt (wait, did he have anything on?) It felt like fire was running all over him and he thought that if this is what it felt like to burn alive for something or someone he would gladly do it, happily face anything at all if it meant that he could feel this alive.
“Are you even real?” He heard himself whisper, lips traveling down his neck, hands everywhere, a mess of skin and saliva and salt.
Have you always been this real? Have you always been this near? Have I always been this loved?
“I’ve never been anything but real,” a whispered promise into hair, sweaty, breathy, beautiful, “I will never be anything else.”
Is this moment real? No classes, no students, no children...nothing but us...you, me, our skin, our kisses, our moans...how did I live before this?
Jaejoong could not suppress a gasp as Yunho ground him into the mattress, all stuttered breathing and frenzied kisses.
Every movement, every sound, every feeling, Jaejoong committed it all to memory as if he would never experience it again. He didn’t ever want to forget, he couldn’t ever forget. He had dreamt of this so many times, hoped for it, prayed for it even, and the love he felt was beyond anything he could have imagined, beyond everything that actually was. That thought, that one sensation, ripped through him like a hurricane, leaving him gasping for air and clutching onto Yunho like he was the one, last, tangible thing in the world. And maybe, Jaejoong thought, before he lost his ability to think, just maybe Yunho was.
Yunho woke groggily to Jaejoong’s phone chirping from somewhere on the floor. He tried to move but found that his torso was held down by Jaejoong’s body. Yunho decided to go back to sleep and wrapped his arms more snugly around his boyfriend.
After the second cycle of ringing, Jaejoong stirred and Yunho glanced at the clock, surprised to find that they had only been asleep for a little over an hour.
“If that is Yoochun calling, I’m going to find some to be determined terrible thing to do to him.”
Yunho kissed the crown of Jaejoong’s head and maneuvered him onto the extra pillows pilfered from the couch.
“Murder,” Jaejoong muttered, “torture, no sex with Junsu for a month...something unbearable...”
Yunho chuckled as he began to sift through their discarded clothes until he found Jaejoong’s pants and his cellphone. Yunho paled as he went through the caller ID.
“Joongie...”
“Hmm?”
“It’s Minnie, he called like five times.”
Jaejoong looked up curiously.
“Call him back.” Yunho handed the phone over and Jaejoong took it, facial expression curious.
As if on cue, the phone lit up and began to sing again.
Yunho crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong, face buried in shoulder blades, trying not to give away any emotion.
“Minnie?”
There was perhaps a minute of garbled sounds that Yunho couldn’t really decipher.
“Changmin, calm down, what’s wrong?”
Sunshine, Yunho thought, strawberry picking in the summer and lemonade, that’s what Jaejoong smells like.
“Wait...Soo Ae...what?”
And in the moment that Jaejoong turned around, Yunho knew Jaejoong knew.
“Oh Min. Where are you? I’m going to come and get you. Tell me where you are.”
Yunho dressed quicker than Jaejoong and sat on the bed watching his lover cradle the phone as he attempted to dress, whispering words of love, trying to extract Changmin’s whereabouts from the distraught babble of words.
“Don’t do anything stupid, you here me Shim Changmin? You stay right there and do not move until I arrive.” There was a pause before Jaejoong whispered softly, “I love you,” and the phone was slid back into a pocket.
A single tear had managed to escape Jaejoong’s control and Yunho stood to wipe it away. “Let me go get him. You shouldn’t be driving right now.”
“I have to go to him,” Jaejoong whispered, another tear trailing down his face, “I have to, Yunho.”
Yunho kissed the tear away. “No, you don’t. I have already been through this, remember? Wait here, I will go and get him. Where is he?”
“The park...the one we went to before...in front of the movie theater.”
“Make yourself tea,” Yunho pressed a kiss, “Call him back and talk to him until we arrive.”
“Okay.”
Yunho crushed Jaejoong to him, hardly able to bear the sight of the tears cracking through an endeavored composure.
“I love you.” Yunho whispered, “Okay? It’ll be fine.”
Their foreheads rested against one another, Yunho wiping away tears of another sort that had started to mingle with Jaejoong’s tears of sadness. “I love you so much; I’ll be back as fast as I can.”
“Okay.”
Yunho kissed Jaejoong again, grabbed his keys, and rushed out the door, vaguely hearing Jaejoong already talking to Changmin as the professor bolted towards his car.
Please, Yunho begged no one in particular, please let everything work out okay. Because I cannot bear to see any of them hurt like this. I just can’t.
A/N And so it begins...this was so unbelievably difficult to write. Encouragement and love in the form of comments and cookies is welcome :)
Rating: R
Summary: Law!verse. Jaejoong stays at Yunho's for the night due to and resulting in revelation all around.
Warning: Swearing (f-bomb), beginning of heartbreak.
Yunho’s Civil Procedure class that Yoochun was in only met once a week Wednesday afternoons. Yoochun usually stayed after to talk about American law and Harvard until Jaejoong called to demand that Yoochun come back to help so the TA could actually get some work done.
Today was no different.
“Yunho, send Yoochun back. He was supposed to be here an hour ago.”
“He’s leaving right now, Joongie, he was helping me clean.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it. He’s worse than you.”
“Hey. He has you on speaker phone. I heard that.”
“Great. Maybe it’ll motivate you to clean my sister’s guest room. She’ll freak when she comes back.”
“Whatever, I’ll be there soon.”
“Fine. Yunho, if I die because he didn’t come back quick enough, please kill him on my behalf.”
Yunho chuckled. “Call me tonight.”
“Okay, see you tomor- Seungyon, those had better not be shoes on your fe-”
Yoochun laughed and slung his bag on his shoulder as the line went dead, “Tough luck. You only just started dating and there are kids in the way.”
“I just said the same thing to him the other day,” Yunho replied wryly. “You better hurry.”
“Yunho!” The professor looked up and tried to keep his face straight as he saw Kibum striding up the hallway practically dragging Soo Ae behind him.
Shit.
“You should go,” Yunho said again, quietly, even though he knew there was no way Yoochun wouldn’t see Soo Ae...Soo Ae’s hand in Kibum’s...Shit, shit, shit.
“What’s wrong?” Yoochun asked.
“Yunho!”
The law professor sighed, “Just...don’t freak out too loud, okay?”
“What?”
“Yunho, honestly....oh, sorry, you’re with a student.” Kibum stopped in the doorway.
Yunho watched as Yoochun stared at Soo Ae who was trying to wriggle out of Kibum’s hold and getting paler by the minute.
“What do you want?” Yunho asked, wondering when Yoochun was going to put two and two together.
“We’re going out for dinner, want to come? Ask your...um...” Kibum threw a look at Yoochun, obviously thinking he knew nothing of Jaejoong. “Your friend.”
“Jaejoong,” Yunho supplied, carefully noting Yoochun’s eyes as they slid to Soo Ae’s hand in Kibum’s, “It’s fine, Yoochun knows.”
“Really?” Kibum pulled Soo Ae further into Yunho’s office, “I’m Kibum, I teach veterinarian medicine here.”
Yunho crossed his arms and watched.
“S-Soo Ae? What...what is this?”
“You know each other?” Kibum asked.
Yoochun frowned slightly, his eyes resting on the conjoined hands once more, “I thought I knew her.”
“Sorry, what?” Kibum asked again and Yunho could tell he was slightly annoyed.
“Can you give us a minute, please? Or two? Or maybe longer?”
Kibum stared from Yoochun to Soo Ae and then back again.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Kibum,” Yunho said softly, “They need some time.”
“Come again?”
“Get out of my office, they need to talk.”
“Fine, but someone had better explain to me later. Preferably before I storm back up here to find out why my girlfriend needs to talk to someone privately without me.”
Soo Ae winced as the word girlfriend came out of Kibum’s mouth. All confusion left Yoochun’s face and was replaced with anger. “Oh, trust me, there will be lots of explaining.
Kibum’s eyebrows further knitted together but after pursing his lips, he walked out.
“Soo Ae, what the fuck?”
“Sit,” Yunho pointed Yoochun towards the large desk chair, “Yoochun, go and sit, now. You too,” he nodded at Soo Ae who sat in front of the desk, her head hanging, refusing to look at Yoochun.
“Soo Ae you had better have fucking good explanation because it fucking looks like you’re fucking someone other than Changmin.”
Soo Ae said nothing and Yunho pulled his office key off of his key ring and placed it in front of Yoochun. “I’m going to go help Jaejoong. When you are done discussing this civilly you will lock my office up and walk Soo Ae down to Kibum. What you do after that is your decision. Did you hear what I said?”
Yoochun was staring Soo Ae down so intensely Yunho wondered if leaving them alone was maybe not such a bright idea on his part.
“Perfectly,” Yoochun bit through teeth.
Yunho walked out the door.
Yoochun waited until he heard the firm shut and took a few breaths to calm himself. Yelling, while making him feel better, would most likely attract unwanted attention, and they didn’t need that.
“Explain,” he said.
“Please don’t say anything,” Soo Ae whispered.
“Why the fuck not?” Yoochun decided that swearing was going to have to relieve his frustration since he couldn’t make loud noises. “You think I’m gonna just sit idly by knowing that my friend’s girlfriend it getting fucked into a mattress by another guy?”
“I...it was just a few dates.”
“You know, that doesn’t really matter to me. Cheating is cheating. Do you realize what this is going to do to Changmin? You obviously have no idea how much he loves you.”
“No, I do know.”
“Then why the hell are you dating someone else, Soo Ae?”
“Because I don’t love him back like that.”
Yoochun managed a short laugh, “Oh, well, that’s a great excuse. Usually you tell someone when you don’t love them. Why cheat, Soo Ae? Why...why break his heart?”
Yoochun felt his anger slip as he began to fully realize the emotional state that Changmin would be in.
“I didn’t...I didn’t want things to turn out this way, I was going to tell him when I was sick.”
“But instead you fucked him. Awesome. The complete opposite message.”
“I...I don’t deny my brain is screwed up.”
“You need a fucking shrink.”
“I’ve started to see one.”
Yoochun paused for a moment and then stood up and sat on the desk in front of Soo Ae. “Alright,” he whispered, “Look, I’m pissed beyond belief right now, but I’ve only known Changmin for a semester. No matter what I think or do, it isn’t going to be one tenth as bad as what Junsu is going to do, and you may want to go back to Japan for awhile once Jaejoong hears.”
Soo Ae sniffed and Yoochun handed her a tissue, thankful that they were visible on the overflowing desk.
“I will temporarily hold back my utter contempt so that you can explain everything to me and so that I don’t hit you. I don’t do that sort of thing, no matter how pissed I am.”
“Thanks,” Soo Ae said in a small voice.
“Talk.”
Yoochun closed his eyes and pretended that it wasn’t Soo Ae sitting in front of him, confessing an affair concerning one of the best friends he’d ever had in his entire life.
“I...I did love Changmin like that. For years. I guess this feeling just sort of crept up on me. The letters we wrote became just one more homework assignment to do before bed, I had to start thinking about things I could tell him when we talked, found myself not really wanting to have to call him because I’d rather read my book instead.”
Yoochun opened his eyes back up and watched Soo Ae fiddle with a fray on her jeans.
“Yoochun, I didn’t know what to do. I hate change, I hate not being secure. I can’t...the thought of being on my own after four years scared the shit out of me. I...I don’t know what to do because I honestly don’t know anything else. I don’t remember anything else. I just...I’ve been with him for so long, I didn’t know....I don’t know how to tell him I don’t love him like that anymore. Kibum was...me trying to convince myself that I still loved him, that no one could love me like Min-ah could but...that sort of back fired.”
“Because you found that you liked Kibum,” Yoochun tried to be kind.
Soo Ae nodded, “I know I handled it wrong. I realize that. I should have just told Minnie that I was tired. I tried to tell him that I didn’t deserve him...I tried to tell him so many times but I couldn’t. Yunho...Yunho said if I didn’t by Friday he was going to.”
Yoochun nodded, “Yunho’s smart like that. It really should be you telling Changmin that you’ve fallen out of love with him.”
“I know that,” Soo Ae whispered, tears falling again.
“What about Kibum?” Yoochun asked.
“He’s...nice. I like him, I don’t love him, not the way I loved Changmin. I used him to bury my other problems and that was unfair.”
“It’s good that you’re seeing a psychologist.”
“I made an appointment after Yunho yelled at me. I’m glad he did, I needed a wake up call. I was just sort of blocking out everything, living two lives and trying to balance everything, trying to make sense of it all...so...I guess it’s good that it’s out.”
Yoochun handed her another tissue. “I still don’t really understand why you did it, and I’m still very angry with you, but I can at least tell you’re upset and I think you regret it. And,” he added as he stood and stretched, “I agree with Yunho, you have two days until my love for Changmin overtakes the importance of you telling him. However, I think you’ll have to tell Kibum tonight.”
Soo Ae nodded, blowing her nose in a third tissue.
“Consider it practice. Telling Changmin is going to be ten times worse.”
“I know.”
“I’m not sure Jaejoong will like that spice in the cupcake frosting, Ha-Neul.”
“But Jaejae likes spicy!”
“Only on some things, sweetie, not everything.”
Ha-Neul pouted and Yunho sighed. “How about you put in some food coloring? Wouldn’t pink be nice?”
Her face lit up and she put the death sauce down. He swiped it from the counter when she wasn’t looking and found a high shelf to put it on, making a mental note to tell Jaejoong so he could find it later.
“So,” a voice purred from behind him, “Do you want to tell me why you’re here and not Yoochun?”
“You sound upset,” Yunho turned as Jaejoong wrapped his arms around the professor, “were you looking forward to yelling at him?”
“A little.”
“He stayed to talk to a student. It was personal and I thought it might be better if he talked to her rather than me.”
“The story that you were agonizing over a few days ago?”
“Yes.” Yunho was prepared for the questioning pout that appeared on Jaejoong’s mouth, kissing it away gently, “Don’t Jae, if you had been there, you would be talking to her.” Or killing her, I’m not exactly sure which.
Jaejoong hummed, still slightly disappointed, but he seemed content as he slipped over to Ha-Neul who had her arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently, waiting for someone to fetch her the red food dye.
Yunho slid the coloring into Jaejoong’s hand and just observed as Jaejoong helped Ha-Neul to mix it into the frosting he had made. Yunho was still watching them try to spread it on the now cooled cupcakes when Yoochun walked in looking angry and haggard.
Jaejoong’s pout returned slightly when Yoochun beckoned to the professor. Yunho hugged Jaejoong from behind briefly, whispering love and comforts until he smiled, pushing Yunho towards the living room, blushing furiously.
Yunho found Yoochun on the couch, his head in his hands as he tried to hold the tears inside. “How...how did you look Minnie in the eye that night? How did you not burst into tears?”
“I was too angry at first,” Yunho admitted, letting his hand drop onto Yoochun’s shoulder.
“She said you gave her until Friday.”
“I did.”
A hand swiped at cheeks roughly, “I don’t think I’ll be able to see Changmin for the next two days.”
“Probably a good idea,” Yunho said quietly, “and when the time comes, you hold Junsu and I’ll try to hide Jaejoong’s knives.”
“Just the knives? Joongie’s very creative, you’ll probably have to lock him up.”
The two shared a quiet chuckle and Yoochun stood back up. “I don’t really know if I can look at Jaejoong either. Watching the kids will keep my mind off of it tonight, so you should go out. Make him pack a bag and stay at your place.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I really need a distraction that isn’t someone who could theoretically pull the story out of me.”
“You mean Junsu.”
Yoochun took another shaky breath while nodding, “Exactly.”
Yunho didn’t need to be told twice and he turned around, practically grinning as he wrapped an arm around Jaejoong. “Ha-Neul, Yoochun is going to help you finish those.”
“Where is Jaejae going?”
“He’s coming with me.”
“I am?”
“You’re having a sleepover?”
There was a twinge of jealousy in Ha-Neul’s question and Yunho patted her head. “You’ll have fun with Yoochun.” Yunho covered Jaejoong’s ears and said conspiratorially, “And if you ask politely, he might let you stay up a little bit later.”
Sufficiently bribed out of throwing a tantrum, Ha-Neul turned victoriously back to the cupcake she was drowning in pink frosting and sprinkles. Yunho could almost see the plans whirling around in her head.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong murmured.
“Go pack a bag.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Quick, before Ha-Neul finds a flaw in my reasoning.”
One short car ride and a very sugary cupcake later, Jaejoong was curled up in Yunho’s bed, pressed against his side and wondering what had possessed Yoochun to offer what he did.
“You had better not be worrying about the kids, Kim Jaejoong.”
“I’m not.”
The pout that Jaejoong’s mouth formed was kissed gently.
“You’re worrying about something. What is it?”
The silken dark hair was buried further into Yunho’s shoulder and Jaejoong fought to keep his irritation down. “Yoochun wouldn’t look at me.”
“What?”
“After you talked. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, not even as we were leaving.”
“Jae...”
“Will I cry?” Jaejoong whispered.
“Come again?”
“Will I cry when I find out about whatever this is? Obviously I know the person or you both would have said something and Yoochun wouldn’t have avoided me. Don’t deny it.”
Yunho began to pet Jaejoong’s hair, a whispered yes fluttering the hair behind a perfect ear.
The younger let out a sigh and pushed away, lying on his back, suddenly finding the ceiling extraordinarily interesting.
“I guess it’s good that you heard this whatever it is before me.”
There was a questioning hum in his ear and he felt a hand slide across his stomach to pull him closer. “Well, since you’ve already been upset, you can expend all energy offering your shoulder to me.
Jaejoong wasn’t sure if it was the way Yunho’s chuckle resounded in his ear or the way his arm tightened or anything really, because the next thing he knew were Yunho’s lips.
It reminded Jaejoong of their first kiss -bordering slightly on passionate- but instead of retreating into awkward confessions, it was simply passionate, no borders in sight.
Will I ever be able to think when he does this? He still makes me melt, still makes my body feel like it has no breath, my heart like it has no rhythm.
“Why do you do this to me?”
It took Jaejoong a moment to realize that he hadn’t been the one to ask this, Yunho had.
“I was just asking myself the same thing.” How am I talking? Did that come out as a logical sentence? I don’t even know...
Jaejoong didn’t know when he had lost his shirt (wait, did he have anything on?) It felt like fire was running all over him and he thought that if this is what it felt like to burn alive for something or someone he would gladly do it, happily face anything at all if it meant that he could feel this alive.
“Are you even real?” He heard himself whisper, lips traveling down his neck, hands everywhere, a mess of skin and saliva and salt.
Have you always been this real? Have you always been this near? Have I always been this loved?
“I’ve never been anything but real,” a whispered promise into hair, sweaty, breathy, beautiful, “I will never be anything else.”
Is this moment real? No classes, no students, no children...nothing but us...you, me, our skin, our kisses, our moans...how did I live before this?
Jaejoong could not suppress a gasp as Yunho ground him into the mattress, all stuttered breathing and frenzied kisses.
Every movement, every sound, every feeling, Jaejoong committed it all to memory as if he would never experience it again. He didn’t ever want to forget, he couldn’t ever forget. He had dreamt of this so many times, hoped for it, prayed for it even, and the love he felt was beyond anything he could have imagined, beyond everything that actually was. That thought, that one sensation, ripped through him like a hurricane, leaving him gasping for air and clutching onto Yunho like he was the one, last, tangible thing in the world. And maybe, Jaejoong thought, before he lost his ability to think, just maybe Yunho was.
Yunho woke groggily to Jaejoong’s phone chirping from somewhere on the floor. He tried to move but found that his torso was held down by Jaejoong’s body. Yunho decided to go back to sleep and wrapped his arms more snugly around his boyfriend.
After the second cycle of ringing, Jaejoong stirred and Yunho glanced at the clock, surprised to find that they had only been asleep for a little over an hour.
“If that is Yoochun calling, I’m going to find some to be determined terrible thing to do to him.”
Yunho kissed the crown of Jaejoong’s head and maneuvered him onto the extra pillows pilfered from the couch.
“Murder,” Jaejoong muttered, “torture, no sex with Junsu for a month...something unbearable...”
Yunho chuckled as he began to sift through their discarded clothes until he found Jaejoong’s pants and his cellphone. Yunho paled as he went through the caller ID.
“Joongie...”
“Hmm?”
“It’s Minnie, he called like five times.”
Jaejoong looked up curiously.
“Call him back.” Yunho handed the phone over and Jaejoong took it, facial expression curious.
As if on cue, the phone lit up and began to sing again.
Yunho crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong, face buried in shoulder blades, trying not to give away any emotion.
“Minnie?”
There was perhaps a minute of garbled sounds that Yunho couldn’t really decipher.
“Changmin, calm down, what’s wrong?”
Sunshine, Yunho thought, strawberry picking in the summer and lemonade, that’s what Jaejoong smells like.
“Wait...Soo Ae...what?”
And in the moment that Jaejoong turned around, Yunho knew Jaejoong knew.
“Oh Min. Where are you? I’m going to come and get you. Tell me where you are.”
Yunho dressed quicker than Jaejoong and sat on the bed watching his lover cradle the phone as he attempted to dress, whispering words of love, trying to extract Changmin’s whereabouts from the distraught babble of words.
“Don’t do anything stupid, you here me Shim Changmin? You stay right there and do not move until I arrive.” There was a pause before Jaejoong whispered softly, “I love you,” and the phone was slid back into a pocket.
A single tear had managed to escape Jaejoong’s control and Yunho stood to wipe it away. “Let me go get him. You shouldn’t be driving right now.”
“I have to go to him,” Jaejoong whispered, another tear trailing down his face, “I have to, Yunho.”
Yunho kissed the tear away. “No, you don’t. I have already been through this, remember? Wait here, I will go and get him. Where is he?”
“The park...the one we went to before...in front of the movie theater.”
“Make yourself tea,” Yunho pressed a kiss, “Call him back and talk to him until we arrive.”
“Okay.”
Yunho crushed Jaejoong to him, hardly able to bear the sight of the tears cracking through an endeavored composure.
“I love you.” Yunho whispered, “Okay? It’ll be fine.”
Their foreheads rested against one another, Yunho wiping away tears of another sort that had started to mingle with Jaejoong’s tears of sadness. “I love you so much; I’ll be back as fast as I can.”
“Okay.”
Yunho kissed Jaejoong again, grabbed his keys, and rushed out the door, vaguely hearing Jaejoong already talking to Changmin as the professor bolted towards his car.
Please, Yunho begged no one in particular, please let everything work out okay. Because I cannot bear to see any of them hurt like this. I just can’t.
A/N And so it begins...this was so unbelievably difficult to write. Encouragement and love in the form of comments and cookies is welcome :)
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