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How to Ask Out A Shoe Salesman
Title: How to Ask Out a Shoe Salesman
Pairing: Donghae/Henry, minor Kangteuk
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor/AU
Summary: Donghae's friends are exceedingly unhelpful with their advice on how Donghae should ask out the cute shoe salesman that Donghae does not stalk, thank you very much.
"Ask him out."
"No."
"It's really not that hard. You are a spineless jellyfish, you know that?"
"Jellyfish don't have spines."
"Whatever. You still don't have one."
"What if he says no?"
"Then you move on and ask out the next guy you see, make yourself feel better."
"Heechul, this is exactly why I shouldn't ask you these things…don't splutter at me. My shift is starting now, sorry for bothering you."
"You're not…Hey! Donghae do not walk away from me…I SEE THAT FINGER. I HOPE YOUR LOVE LIFE ROTS AND YOU GET ARRESTED FOR STALKING."
"I'M NOT STALKING HIM."
It was admiration.
Donghae didn't consider himself to be the most swankified person ever. Sure he had been popular in school, he could dance, sing, make the ladies faint, but nothing too spectacular. He was just a general jack of all trades, really. He tried to not let it all go to head and he thought he did a pretty good job of it.
But there was this guy he liked that worked in a shoe store (you know, one of those really expensive ones where it costs three paychecks to buy one shoe,) and he had no idea how to ask him out.
Because the kid could make him completely forget the awesomeness that was Lee Donghae and make him a stuttering mess of an idiot.
Even with his lucky cap. And he could do anything with his lucky cap…except ask Henry Lau out on a date. Apparently that was it's one flaw.
Donghae had made the mistake of gushing to Kibum one afternoon (his accent is so cute and I heard that he plays the violin and he asked me so nicely if I wanted to buy the pair of shoes I had on which I did but of course I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to eat for three weeks which would be awful because then I'd die and I'd never be able to see his smile again but I wanted to say yes because HOW COULD YOU REFUSE HIM ANYTHING AND KIBUMHELPMEIDON'TKNOWHOWTOASKHIMOUT!) and got a book on dating in response. (Thanks. You're SUCH a big help. Asshole.)
Next had been Eunhyuk. Donghae refused to consciously remember how awful that had been.
And Kangin…Kangin had tried.
"Look, it's really easy. I'll show you. Leeteuk! Come here!"
"Kangin-"
"Hush and watch."
"Hi Leeteuk!"
"Um…hi? We're going to be late for practice, can we go?"
"Leeteuk, you are the most beautiful being on the earth and you play kick ass soccer. Will you go out with me?"
"Sure."
"See? It's a piece of cake if-wait. You will?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Sweet."
It wasn't the Donghae didn't appreciate their kind attempts to help him, he just wondered if maybe he shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Plus, he was running out of excuses to give Henry for not buying any of the shoes.
Shindong suggested asking him out for dinner, but as Donghae pointed out, that still involved asking which is where the trouble was.
Yesung suggested sleeping on it…literally. "Write it on a piece of paper and put it under your pillow for courage."
"Write what?"
"However you're going to ask him out."
It was in that moment that he decided that all of his friends were idiots.
So he decided that he should just go and do it, even if it meant dying of terribly embarrassing word vomit.
"Here to try on more shoes?"
"Yes. I mean no. I mean, I brought you coffee."
"Oh. Um, thanks. I can't really have coffee around the shoes, though, you know?"
"Right. Sorry. Um…drink it with me outside."
"I'm working."
"Oh, well…I know that. But…you have a break…right?"
"I guess I could take it now."
Donghae was surprised when Henry spoke with his manager in Mandarin. Wasn't this a bit too expensive to be a Chinese store?
Focus. You are about to ask out the nicest, sexiest, sweetest shoe salesman in the whole entire world. Stop thinking about China. Fuck. China, Mandarin, I should have looked up how to at least say hi.
"So…are you ever going to buy shoes?"
Focus. Lucky cap! You have your lucky cap with you, you can do this!
"Um…probably not, no."
Is he nervous? Why did he just twitch?
"So, the reason you keep on coming in and trying on shoes is what?"
Oh my god, he's drinking the coffee I bought him. Does he like it? Should I ask?
"Coffee."
Word vomit. Dammit.
"Coffee?"
Dammit
"Is the coffee good? I mean…I like the shoes…a lot!"
Why is he smiling? Smiling is not helping my sanity.
"Why else?"
Well, I like you a lot see and all my friends tried to help me figure out ways to ask you out but then I couldn't because they were just really lame and none of them really suited your spectacularness and I was frustrated but I couldn't stay away from you so I went and tried on shoes because that was the only way to see you and I'm really afraid that if I tell you all of this you'll never speak to me again and that would break my heart.
"Um."
Stop smiling! STOP STOP STOP STOP.
"You know, if you're trying to ask me out, then I'd love to go somewhere with you. Tonight."
Oh.
"Oh."
Oh, wow.
"So that's a yes?"
That's a FUCK yes.
"Um. Yes."
"One rule."
"Anything."
"No umming."
"Deal."
Oh my god wow fuck yes no umming holy shit I have to call everyone who cares if I'm interrupting their sex this is officially the best day of my life and he's laughing at me again but that's okay because his laugh is amazing thank god I wore my lucky cap because I think I would have fainted by now.
The moral of the story, Donghae later considered, is that if you don't know how to ask a shoe salesman out then you just need to get him to do it for you. Which anyone as half as spectacular as himself could easily accomplish.
Easily.
~~~~
I was watching John Adams with the fam and there was a disturbing scene which required erasing from my brain with fluff. No one had posted any recent fluff so I had to write some. :) Comments?
Pairing: Donghae/Henry, minor Kangteuk
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor/AU
Summary: Donghae's friends are exceedingly unhelpful with their advice on how Donghae should ask out the cute shoe salesman that Donghae does not stalk, thank you very much.
"Ask him out."
"No."
"It's really not that hard. You are a spineless jellyfish, you know that?"
"Jellyfish don't have spines."
"Whatever. You still don't have one."
"What if he says no?"
"Then you move on and ask out the next guy you see, make yourself feel better."
"Heechul, this is exactly why I shouldn't ask you these things…don't splutter at me. My shift is starting now, sorry for bothering you."
"You're not…Hey! Donghae do not walk away from me…I SEE THAT FINGER. I HOPE YOUR LOVE LIFE ROTS AND YOU GET ARRESTED FOR STALKING."
"I'M NOT STALKING HIM."
It was admiration.
Donghae didn't consider himself to be the most swankified person ever. Sure he had been popular in school, he could dance, sing, make the ladies faint, but nothing too spectacular. He was just a general jack of all trades, really. He tried to not let it all go to head and he thought he did a pretty good job of it.
But there was this guy he liked that worked in a shoe store (you know, one of those really expensive ones where it costs three paychecks to buy one shoe,) and he had no idea how to ask him out.
Because the kid could make him completely forget the awesomeness that was Lee Donghae and make him a stuttering mess of an idiot.
Even with his lucky cap. And he could do anything with his lucky cap…except ask Henry Lau out on a date. Apparently that was it's one flaw.
Donghae had made the mistake of gushing to Kibum one afternoon (his accent is so cute and I heard that he plays the violin and he asked me so nicely if I wanted to buy the pair of shoes I had on which I did but of course I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to eat for three weeks which would be awful because then I'd die and I'd never be able to see his smile again but I wanted to say yes because HOW COULD YOU REFUSE HIM ANYTHING AND KIBUMHELPMEIDON'TKNOWHOWTOASKHIMOUT!) and got a book on dating in response. (Thanks. You're SUCH a big help. Asshole.)
Next had been Eunhyuk. Donghae refused to consciously remember how awful that had been.
And Kangin…Kangin had tried.
"Look, it's really easy. I'll show you. Leeteuk! Come here!"
"Kangin-"
"Hush and watch."
"Hi Leeteuk!"
"Um…hi? We're going to be late for practice, can we go?"
"Leeteuk, you are the most beautiful being on the earth and you play kick ass soccer. Will you go out with me?"
"Sure."
"See? It's a piece of cake if-wait. You will?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Sweet."
It wasn't the Donghae didn't appreciate their kind attempts to help him, he just wondered if maybe he shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Plus, he was running out of excuses to give Henry for not buying any of the shoes.
Shindong suggested asking him out for dinner, but as Donghae pointed out, that still involved asking which is where the trouble was.
Yesung suggested sleeping on it…literally. "Write it on a piece of paper and put it under your pillow for courage."
"Write what?"
"However you're going to ask him out."
It was in that moment that he decided that all of his friends were idiots.
So he decided that he should just go and do it, even if it meant dying of terribly embarrassing word vomit.
"Here to try on more shoes?"
"Yes. I mean no. I mean, I brought you coffee."
"Oh. Um, thanks. I can't really have coffee around the shoes, though, you know?"
"Right. Sorry. Um…drink it with me outside."
"I'm working."
"Oh, well…I know that. But…you have a break…right?"
"I guess I could take it now."
Donghae was surprised when Henry spoke with his manager in Mandarin. Wasn't this a bit too expensive to be a Chinese store?
Focus. You are about to ask out the nicest, sexiest, sweetest shoe salesman in the whole entire world. Stop thinking about China. Fuck. China, Mandarin, I should have looked up how to at least say hi.
"So…are you ever going to buy shoes?"
Focus. Lucky cap! You have your lucky cap with you, you can do this!
"Um…probably not, no."
Is he nervous? Why did he just twitch?
"So, the reason you keep on coming in and trying on shoes is what?"
Oh my god, he's drinking the coffee I bought him. Does he like it? Should I ask?
"Coffee."
Word vomit. Dammit.
"Coffee?"
Dammit
"Is the coffee good? I mean…I like the shoes…a lot!"
Why is he smiling? Smiling is not helping my sanity.
"Why else?"
Well, I like you a lot see and all my friends tried to help me figure out ways to ask you out but then I couldn't because they were just really lame and none of them really suited your spectacularness and I was frustrated but I couldn't stay away from you so I went and tried on shoes because that was the only way to see you and I'm really afraid that if I tell you all of this you'll never speak to me again and that would break my heart.
"Um."
Stop smiling! STOP STOP STOP STOP.
"You know, if you're trying to ask me out, then I'd love to go somewhere with you. Tonight."
Oh.
"Oh."
Oh, wow.
"So that's a yes?"
That's a FUCK yes.
"Um. Yes."
"One rule."
"Anything."
"No umming."
"Deal."
Oh my god wow fuck yes no umming holy shit I have to call everyone who cares if I'm interrupting their sex this is officially the best day of my life and he's laughing at me again but that's okay because his laugh is amazing thank god I wore my lucky cap because I think I would have fainted by now.
The moral of the story, Donghae later considered, is that if you don't know how to ask a shoe salesman out then you just need to get him to do it for you. Which anyone as half as spectacular as himself could easily accomplish.
Easily.
~~~~
I was watching John Adams with the fam and there was a disturbing scene which required erasing from my brain with fluff. No one had posted any recent fluff so I had to write some. :) Comments?
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