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Entry tags:
- cassiopeia,
- dbsk,
- drama,
- tvxq,
- writing
not fic, but still writing
I wrote this forever ago, sort of a letter try and work out why I loved TVXQ so much. It wasn't until all this shit started going down (today and yesterday?? shitty time difference is shitty) that I decided to post it, because, it's doing no good just sitting on my computer gathering virtual dust. And it expresses how I feel, even though I wrote it awhile ago and only just finished it now.
~~~
I've never written a love letter. I'm not sure if that's exactly what this is. I just feel like I have to express myself. I have to thank you. We have to thank you.
But how can I? Inside of my head there are so many emotions and incoherent thoughts bouncing through my skull that I can't seem to express correctly.
You have all said before that you are "just singers." I've thought long and hard about this, because even though it is true, I feel like sometimes you are more than that. The question I put to myself is what exactly. What are you?
Singers. Performers. Celebrities. People. Role models. Positively gorgeous. Too many things to list.
I refine my question: why is it that we love you? Why is it that when you open your mouths to sing nothing matters any more? Not the diseases I have, not the arguments I have, not the frustration or depression, or the stress of my work. How do you make it wash away so easily?
For four (or so) minutes I can close my eyes and listen to you take the gift you have been given and turn it into something ten times better than it was before. It is staggering.
How did we get so lucky?
Granted, I am frustrated sometimes. Frustrated that I cannot speak your language, and frustrated that I don't have the time to learn it. Frustrated that I am on the other side of the world and will probably never actually see you in person. I thrive on the internet, lapping up what I can, laughing when you laugh, melting when you sing, pretending that I understand every word you say. But...that is partly why I love you. You're language is just beautiful, calming in ways western languages have never been for me.
I get frustrated when I'm teased for liking you, like I'm supposed to be ashamed of it. I'm not. I'm proud of being an (unofficial) Cassiopeian.
I wonder sometimes if you know how many people you have touched. You are like five unintentional Midas'; everything you touch, everything you sing, everything you do turns into gold. Maybe not physically, of course, but intangible gold for my soul. It's like you can encrust everything that I am with what you do.
Someday...I would like to see you. Maybe that won't be until I die, and we're all in Heaven, but that's okay, because there I can talk to you without having to worry about language. There you can sing for me, for everyone, and heaven will be filled with your laughter, your songs, and your love. There, I can love you and no one will laugh at me because we're of different ethnicities. There, I will be able to sing with you, all of Cassiopeia, raising our voices together.
You make me so happy. You fill the world with hope, even if you don't mean to.
But I want you to know, that compared to the friendship you have with one another, your singing…it's nothing.
Nothing at all.
Your fans…Cassiopeia…really, want we want for you is to be happy. Whatever it is that makes your heart soar, what makes you melt, what makes your pain wash away; that is what we want for you. Your needs come before ours. Always.
I know you'll never read this, I know that I'm just another fan, someone half way across the world who is sleeping when all the important things have happened.
But I love you. For all the joy you've given me, for all the laughter, for all the time that I can immerse myself in your world and know what it is to be happy.
I wish that for you, I hope you have that, I pray that you do.
So thank you. Thank you for everything that you've given us, and thank you for everything that you will give us in the future.
I think that hope doesn't end. Hope lasts for as long as you want it to; that's why it's hope. So, I'm praying for all of you, even though you don't know it, and I'm hoping for the best. Hoping forever.
~
Also, relevant icon is relevant. Love in the Ice is what brought me into the TVXQ fandom in the first place, and this is a screen capture of their performance of that during Chocolate, which is like the best Korean performance of that song ever. Hence the relevance.
~~~
I've never written a love letter. I'm not sure if that's exactly what this is. I just feel like I have to express myself. I have to thank you. We have to thank you.
But how can I? Inside of my head there are so many emotions and incoherent thoughts bouncing through my skull that I can't seem to express correctly.
You have all said before that you are "just singers." I've thought long and hard about this, because even though it is true, I feel like sometimes you are more than that. The question I put to myself is what exactly. What are you?
Singers. Performers. Celebrities. People. Role models. Positively gorgeous. Too many things to list.
I refine my question: why is it that we love you? Why is it that when you open your mouths to sing nothing matters any more? Not the diseases I have, not the arguments I have, not the frustration or depression, or the stress of my work. How do you make it wash away so easily?
For four (or so) minutes I can close my eyes and listen to you take the gift you have been given and turn it into something ten times better than it was before. It is staggering.
How did we get so lucky?
Granted, I am frustrated sometimes. Frustrated that I cannot speak your language, and frustrated that I don't have the time to learn it. Frustrated that I am on the other side of the world and will probably never actually see you in person. I thrive on the internet, lapping up what I can, laughing when you laugh, melting when you sing, pretending that I understand every word you say. But...that is partly why I love you. You're language is just beautiful, calming in ways western languages have never been for me.
I get frustrated when I'm teased for liking you, like I'm supposed to be ashamed of it. I'm not. I'm proud of being an (unofficial) Cassiopeian.
I wonder sometimes if you know how many people you have touched. You are like five unintentional Midas'; everything you touch, everything you sing, everything you do turns into gold. Maybe not physically, of course, but intangible gold for my soul. It's like you can encrust everything that I am with what you do.
Someday...I would like to see you. Maybe that won't be until I die, and we're all in Heaven, but that's okay, because there I can talk to you without having to worry about language. There you can sing for me, for everyone, and heaven will be filled with your laughter, your songs, and your love. There, I can love you and no one will laugh at me because we're of different ethnicities. There, I will be able to sing with you, all of Cassiopeia, raising our voices together.
You make me so happy. You fill the world with hope, even if you don't mean to.
But I want you to know, that compared to the friendship you have with one another, your singing…it's nothing.
Nothing at all.
Your fans…Cassiopeia…really, want we want for you is to be happy. Whatever it is that makes your heart soar, what makes you melt, what makes your pain wash away; that is what we want for you. Your needs come before ours. Always.
I know you'll never read this, I know that I'm just another fan, someone half way across the world who is sleeping when all the important things have happened.
But I love you. For all the joy you've given me, for all the laughter, for all the time that I can immerse myself in your world and know what it is to be happy.
I wish that for you, I hope you have that, I pray that you do.
So thank you. Thank you for everything that you've given us, and thank you for everything that you will give us in the future.
I think that hope doesn't end. Hope lasts for as long as you want it to; that's why it's hope. So, I'm praying for all of you, even though you don't know it, and I'm hoping for the best. Hoping forever.
~
Also, relevant icon is relevant. Love in the Ice is what brought me into the TVXQ fandom in the first place, and this is a screen capture of their performance of that during Chocolate, which is like the best Korean performance of that song ever. Hence the relevance.
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:)
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*grabs tissue box*
Love in the Ice was also the song that made most of my friends into fans. They are the ultimate stress buster. All my pain and worry dissipates into nothingness whenever I think about them. God, I hope they work this alright and still be together in the end.
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